People Aren’t Talking Enough About Google Preying On Loretta’s Husband


This “Loretta” Google commercial is all the rage today. Everyone was saying how sad it was. How they felt so lonely because they wanted their very own “Loretta”. Well stop stuffing your face with pigs in a blanket and change out of your sweats and go find yourself a Loretta ya pig.

People can’t see the bigger picture though. There’s way more to this commercial that should have people grabbing pitchforks ready to storm Google HQ. No one is talking about the fact this guy just released all of his most private and sensitive information to millions and millions of people without even realizing it. You can’t just have your Google Assistant remembering all these things. That goes to the cloud. You can’t mess with the cloud. The cloud never forgets. Ask everyone that was apart of ‘The Fappening’. 85 year olds can barely work their flip phone let alone a Google Assistant. All of their passwords are written down in a rolodex or Post-It Note because they can’t remember their AOL email from their TurboTax login. The Google Assistant is just preying on this poor old coot. Everyone in those photos is now under surveillance by the NSA. This poor guy is going to be spied on from his Google Assistant every hour of each day. Poor Loretta is six feet under and she can’t even escape the anxiety of being watched by Big Tech.

Google’s literally laughing in our faces in the opening scene about how they never forget.

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And what the hell is the point of Google saving the fact Loretta hated our guy’s mustache or snorted when she laughed? What’s the point of holding onto that key information. Unless Google is harvesting this data to one day build a super robot race of Loretta’s that hate mustaches. In that case I’m safe. Can’t grow facial hair for shit. Jimmy Dingers is a dead man though. And get eyes on Andy Reid.

I’m indifferent on Loretta in general. I don’t want to speak ill of the dead, but she kinda sounded like a real bitch.


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Just kicking our guy out of the house hoping he doesn’t come home from work. Our guy probably worked a bread delivery route or in the factory. Back breaking type of work so he could put food on the table and take trips to Alaska with Loretta. And she’s kicking him out of the house so she doesn’t miss ‘The View’.

There is no doubt that ‘mustache’, ‘tulips’, ‘Loretta’, and ‘Sitka’ are all passwords he uses for his online banking or 401k account. If this guy still has a dollar to his name I’d be shocked. Hackers don’t take off just cause it’s the Super Bowl, Google.


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