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How about this Philly bum not only having pristine penmanship, but I think we have the Voltaire of vagabonds walking around Philly. Is this the most eclectic bum in the country? It has to be. A wordsmith like Dickens who also may whip out his little dickens on a SEPTA Bus.
When he dropped the “EARN yo own shit.” I immediately thought of The Rock gif.
This one:
Absolutely unbelievable.
I’ve got a question though. Who drops off 30 slices of pizza to a bum? And what bum counts his pizza slices? Where did the Hemingway of Hate try to hide these? This happened at around 16th and Samson. We’ve got two shops right around there that could’ve given the pizza to the bum. Joe’s Pizza or Pizzeria Vetri. Let’s be honest those stuffy dorks at Vetri ain’t giving away free slices of their Neopolitan pie. This is definitely Joe’s doing. Good for Joe’s Pizza.
30 slices is still an odd move. Eight slices are in a pie. Someone must’ve given him four full pizzas and he ate two slices. It’s the middle of winter. You think this bum is eating four pizzas before it gets cold? I love cold pizza, but cold trash pizza is not up my alley. And it doesn’t seem like the bum had any friends unless they would have protected his pies.
Sidenote: this bum is also great at Math and very observant. I’m pretty sure we have a Good Will Hunting situation on our hands. I’m going to need some nerd from Penn to write an unsolvable math problem in chalk in the alleyway and see if this bum can solve it.
I’m glad to see there are rules even in bum culture and I’m glad that if “Plaid” catches this guy he’s going to make him pay the ultimate price of eating each slice ANALLY. Could you imagine Plaid making choo choo noises as he’s about to shove pizza up the thief’s ass? Imagine your on your way to work and you have a homeless guy dressed like the Brawny man making “chugga chugga choo choo” noises as he’s feeding Pepperoni pizza up some guys sphincter. At that point you need to just stop and marvel how lucky you are to witness that moment.
Live look at Plaid catching the “Lame Ass Thief”
Lame Ass Thief vs Plaid fees like the next Marvel superhero movie that grosses a billion dollars. I’d be first in line if they could guarantee me the pizza scene.
Who steals 30 slices of pizzas?
H/t r/Philadelphia