Presidential Candidate Mike Bloomberg Just Tried To Shake Hands With A Dog’s Mouth


Follow on Twitter: @BrandedKyle



Politicians, they are just like us. Except the fact as a dog owner I’ve never confused  my dog’s hand with his snout. I know the proper way to shake a dog’s hand and it’s by shouting ‘Paw” like a lunatic repeatedly and holding a treat up until one day he gives up and realizes if he sheepishly gives you his paw he’ll get a delicious treat.

I’m not really what you would call a politics guy. Didn’t major in Poly Sci and my brain shuts off when people start talking about their views, policy, and leans. I believe you should vote, but I’m not mad at ya if you don’t. I’ve performed this flawlessly over the last 8 years of voting. I’m basically the Khris Middleton of voting. Not perfect, not going to swing an election, but effective. The best ability is availability. Here’s a hack I do that can be used for anyone that is on the fence on who to vote for. Pay attention to only the big things. You don’t have to read in depth but maybe get a push notification from CNN, WSJ, or Fox News once in a while to balance everything out. Then 12 hours or less before you’re supposed to vote because you’ve been putting it off for so long, read each candidates policies and stances on things. Whichever you agree with more vote for them. The country is in fact still technically standing so you can’t say this hasn’t worked.

I absolutely love politicians showing us they’re aliens. Their lives are so closely examined and their days are planned right down to the minute that I understand why no person with that kind of structure could be normal. Add in the fact the Bloomin Onion is a billionaire and he might as well be from Mars.

Listen when you just announced your candidacy and are already behind for the 2020 Presidential race you can’t be shaking dogs snouts. Shaking hands and kissing babies has been a political saying for years. His brain might be broken. We’re going to find out the Berger King has been shaking babies and kissing hands next.

Look how he’s already trying to get in front of the situation. With his #DogsFurMike campaign. Newsflash idiot, dogs don’t have voting rights.

Also, physically choking puppies on camera with your name attached is an interesting look. Poor Lucy was wondering if she’ll make it through this ad alive. Someone get eyes on Lucy!


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