Don’t Call it a Comeback



Ohhhhhh buddy. My parents named me Jimmy because they couldn’t think of anything more creative for a white guy born in New Hampshire. I go by a million other names, just depending on who you ask. I’m not much of a self-reflection guy so I reached out to best friends, ex-girlfriends, and people that have been around in my life, asking them to sum me up in a few lines. Those that didn’t have my number blocked responded. Here are my favorites:

“Very outgoing and wise man. Able to be serious, but has a loose cannon personality that can go off the rails real quick”

  • Girl I met on tinder

“Completely ruined my relationship with my now ex-boyfriend. I want to say my brief time with him was worth it but the jury is still out on this one”

  • Girl with poor taste in men

“Ambitious dude with his shit together. Deals with adversity well and seems to make bad situations work for him. Rarely sober”

  • Best Friend from childhood and college

“The fact that you literally need to contact me through LinkedIn because you’re blocked on everything else should say enough”

  • Some girl I used to date… idk

I have some pretty sweet life experiences that have gotten me here. I was in a frat in college and became its president. That was an absolute ride of a time where I learned just how helpless college students can be/ the many different ways alcohol can be consumed. I’m definitely washed up. Won’t miss a homecoming with the boys.

I became a police officer after college and learned a lot about the capabilities and weird habits of humans. I can’t get you out of speeding tickets but I have a plethora of stories that you probably wouldn’t even believe.

I’m joining in on the Boston wagon of Branded Sports. It’s not easy being the best city in the world but, i’ll defend all of them till I die. Big Red Sox guy, but anything New England is fair game. You can chirp me and I will sink to any level, I don’t care.

I bet lines and throw out money on pretty much anything. My unorthodox way of picks has gotten me this far, so I’m going to keep doing it and see what happens. If I say the phrase “double knuckle lockdown” you should put your house on it. It’s going to hit.

That’s all I got. Welcome to the dumpster fire.

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