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Andy Bernard situation pic.twitter.com/Y4yHdNvhus
— Barstool Sports (@barstoolsports) January 21, 2020
Jesus Christ man! Put those things away this is the Disney Marathon, there are children present! Someone get this man a bandaid and some gauze stat. He’s lactating blood like he’s trying to feed baby Dracula. Could you imagine just sitting there at the finish line and this guy comes around the corner and BOOM! Bloody nipples right in your child’s face. Imagine having to answer those questions on the monorail while cruising around Disney? Fuck where do baby’s come from. Your kid is wondering where the fuck do the blood from nipples come from? He’s wondering if he can produce blood from his own nipples. It’s like the first time you discovered your dick and everything it could do. No doubt there was an 8 year old that day walking around giving himself nurples, trying to extract blood, for the sake of experimenting.
Also, what the hell was that bow to the camera?
Hey sensei, move it along. No one’s trying to see your Hell Boy looking body convulse any longer. Speed it up.
Maybe this was a stigmata. Maybe this kid is going to be inducted into saint hood. Saint Francis wasn’t A Sissy and neither is this guy. Probably not a good day to be recognized as a Saint, in my personal opinion, but this will blow over.
EXCLUSIVE: The New Orleans @Saints are going to court to keep secret hundreds of emails that allegedly show team executives doing public relations damage control for the area's Roman Catholic archdiocese amid its sexual abuse crisis. https://t.co/6i0DjcmYX4
— The Associated Press (@AP) January 24, 2020
You have to think though that maybe this a good thing. Maybe instead of this being an embarrassment to this kid forever he looks at this instead as a badge of honor. I’m calling for Disney to instead embrace this and not cast him off like a child of leprosy. Instead they should honor this kid with his own customized set of Mickey Ears dedicated to him.
Something like this…
As the now disavowed Kevin Spacey once said in the major motion picture Horrible Bosses:
Obligatory Andy Bernard clip: