All 13 Year Old Boys In The Delaware Valley Have Now Been Put On Notice

Finally the Broad Street Bullies are back.

Can we get something out of the way? Let’s all gather in the trust tree. Ok, we all here? Good.

This kid definitely deserved it. You ever met a 13 year old boy? Were you ever a 13 year old boy? 13 year old boys are assholes. They are the worst of the worst. They don’t care about anyone. They stink. They think they’re the coolest people in the world because they’re in 8th grade and run the playground Monday to Friday and they believe that’s real life. Not to mention their hormones are flying all around and that just adds an extra layer to it.  Look at this kid. If anyone deserved a flying superman punch to the back it’s this kid.

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How about the account of the events from the Inquirer’s Chris Heatrick:

In Greenwell’s telling, Brandon playfully patted the mascot on the head after the photo was taken. As Brandon walked away, Gritty got out of his chair, “took a running start,” and “punched my son as hard as he could,” Greenwell said Wednesday.

Officials at Comcast Spectacor, the company that owns the Flyers, told Greenwell there is no video footage of the incident because the “cameras in that area of the center are focused on other locations,” according to emails between Greenwell and officials. The company claimed it conducted an investigation that included interviews with Gritty, and “Gritty’s handler,” but couldn’t verify Greenwell’s account.

I am cackling imagining this furry 8 foot Jake Voracek lookalike launching himself at a 13 year old for giving him a love tap on his head.

And look at this kid’s dad just fucking demanding his kid become best friends with Claude Giroux like he’s Hans Gruber taking hostages in Nakatomi Plaza:

After the alleged punch, Greenwell emailed officials at Comcast Spectacor, first complaining of the “lousy picture” with the mascot who didn’t look at the camera. Then he raised the “more serious and disappointing” concern.

“I know it was not correct for my son to harmlessly tap him on his head but for a Flyers employee to get (sic) throw a full punch at someone with his back turned and hurt a 13 year old boy is assault, unprofessional and unacceptable for your organization,” he wrote.

Comcast Spectacor officials said there was no proof that Gritty hit the boy, but offered special perks to make up for the “bad experience.” Greenwell suggested the Flyers show his son on the giant scoreboard or let him into the locker room to meet players and get autographs. The company offered to sit Brandon on the players’ bench during warm-ups before a future game.


Now I know where your piss ant of a kid gets it. You think you can just waltz in here and make a list of demands like you’re Dr. Evil threatening to blow up the world?


Also, what the hell is this from the Inquirer:

Efforts to reach Gritty were unsuccessful as of Wednesday afternoon.

I mean he’s not fucking real you idiots. You think Gritty’s just sitting in the bowels of the Wells Fargo Center next to a rotary phone waiting for a call from the Inquirer. No! He’s out policing 13 year olds around the Delaware Valley to make sure they don’t get out of line.

Are we sure Gritty isn’t to blame for the 2017 NBA Draft not panning out for the Sixers? Markelle Fultz’s injury is sounding eerily the same as Brandons.

Greenwell said he took his son to see a chiropractor about a week after the incident. The chiropractor noted that Brandon suffered from mild pain, and diagnosed him with a back bruise, or a “contusion to lower thoracic spine with subluxation,” according to documents from the chiropractor, provided by Greenwell.


I need Gritty going down I-76 in a White Bronco by sundown.


I’m exonerating Gritty on principle and principle alone. You think this lovable character would hit a 13 year old?


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