Patrick Mahomes’ Girlfriend Brittany Is The Most Polarizing Figure On The Internet

I’ve been devoting a lot of my personal time to hating the Kansas City Chiefs. With the Patriots not there to stand up in the name of morality to make sure the best man wins, I do have a lot more free time on my hands this year than I normally do.

Mostly I’m bitter because I find it somewhat difficult to root for a team that consists of at a minimum 3 violent alleged domestic abusers who have never been apologetic or honest about their participation in whatever they were even accused of doing, but there’s also Patrick Mahomes’ girlfriend.

I stand by what I’ve always said; this does not and has never had anything to do with Brittany’s looks. Apparently there are people that have made comments about them, which for sure does not bother Brittany at all.

My problems with Brittany have to do with what the sounds her voice makes and their effect on my long term health. That decibel and tone of noise cannot be good for the brain. I don’t follow her on any platform but so many people agree with me that it just shows up on my timeline. It mostly started with Patriots fans when Brittany claimed she was aggressively harassed by fans so much she had to be escorted away, which turned out to a complete sham of a story made up by Brittany for attention.

She’s been building steam and quite the reputation throughout these NFL playoffs, because without Tom Brady, there’s not really any interesting storylines. Today it felt like besides Chiefs fans and Eagles fans wanting Andy Reid to win, the whole interweb was rooting for the Chiefs to lose, just so we wouldn’t have to see another screaming video hit the tl.

But today Brittany brought her A game. This is the AFC Championship.

Just screeching directly in everyone’s ear that walks by her. They say the game takes a full 60 minutes, and Brittany gives it up until the clock hits 0:00. On the phone handling important business in the middle of the AFC Championship game? Brittany wants to shatter their eardrums too. No ones frontal lobe is safe around her.

Many people are quick to rush to Brittany’s defense like a digital knight in shining armor no one asked for. If you’re posting over 15 game day videos of you acting like that you are opening yourself up for the memes. It’s like rule 2 of the internet after don’t fuck with cats and don’t post people’s phone numbers online.

I don’t think Patrick Mahomes’ girlfriend gives a flying fuck that people are annoyed with her. This is part of her personal brand now. Leaning all the way in and putting on a performance when you expect to see it in clutch time. People saying this is sexist and against women must have lost a little too many brain cells from the videos. It’s like The Ring; once you’ve heard it too many times you’re infected. It’s not sexist to think someone in annoying–in fact I think Mahomes’ brother is just as annoying as his girlfriend. This isn’t about gender or jealousy, it’s about an entire society of people agreeing someone is obnoxious. If your boyfriend goes onto win the Super Bowl and get a $40 million/year contract I think being obnoxious is the least of your concern. She’ll survive. Our eardrums may not.


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