Asshole Calls The Police Because Target Employee Refuses To Honor The Wrong Price On A Toothbrush


Follow: @BrandedKyle on Twitter



It sucks for David Leavitt because I have absolutely nothing to do tonight but make it my night’s mission to make this guy’s life as miserable as he made store manager Tori’s today over a toothbrush. A fucking TOOTHBRUSH!

Did we find him? Did we locate the most insufferable asshole on the face of the planet? I think we might have. David Leavitt was raising hell at a Target because the store manager wouldn’t honor the price of an OralB Pro5000 toothbrush that was clearly marked wrong on the display. The price marked was for $.01 and instead of using common sense that it was obviously mis-marked by some stoned 15 year old, he decided to get the police involved because Massachusetts has some of the strictest price matching laws in the world supposedly. Who the fuck knows price match laws off the top of their head?

Look at poor Store Manager Tori here.

Screen Shot 2020-01-17 at 7.52.38 PM


She probably gets off in 20 minutes from a 10 hour shift. She’s got happy hour on the brain and doesn’t want to deal with another soccer mom or worse David. She’s probably working all weekend to when she’d rather be doing anything else. This is where we need something like, “Reality Laws”. Reality Laws are instances where in the court of law you can just look away one time and it goes to the court of Common Sense. Tori should be able to take the OralB Pro 5000 brush and beat the piss out of David with it with no repercussions. Because in Reality none of this shit matters. Pay the $45.99 original price and move on with your day. Don’t make people’s shitty lives even more shitty.

This guy is supposedly an “Award Winning” multi-media journalist who’s written for CBS, AXS, Yahoo, Examiner. But he can’t afford to go to the dentist for 3 years?

Screen Shot 2020-01-17 at 7.57.25 PM


Hey you fucking poor! What kind of award winning ‘multi-media’ freelancer can’t make enough money so that your teeth aren’t fucking moving away from each other like your mouth is Pangea. No wonder you don’t smile in any of your pictures. You fucking snaggletoothed freak afraid to open your mouth, looking like a hammerhead shark ass boy. You can’t afford health insurance at 35 so you think a fucking toothbrush is going to fix everything?

This couldn’t be an isolated incident though. No one is this much of a douchebag without having some priors. Some Blue Checkmark nobody wouldn’t do this unless they’ve got some skeletons or a past where they were a shit-head before. Well Davey boy has just that. In 2017 when the Manchester Bombings happened at an Ariana Grande concert he tweeted this out 20 minutes after the report of multiple fatalities:

Screen Shot 2020-01-17 at 7.40.35 PM


I can’t stress this enough. What. A. Fucking. LOSER! It takes a special person to joke about a bombing where innocent people were murdered minutes after it’s confirmed and the situation is still unfolding. And then to follow it up with a half assed apology? I would’ve loved to hear his jokes once the second building of the Twin Towers fell. They probably were a real riot!

Screen Shot 2020-01-17 at 7.40.56 PM


Obviously, Douchebag Dave received a lot of backlash on Twitter. One came from late great Chef Anthony Bourdain who had a nice subtle shot, right to the point.

bourdain tweet


This dildo didn’t respond and held onto the tweet for a year. Waiting to craft his own thought of a ‘perfect’ response a year later. After Bourdain was found dead in his room from an apparent suicide.


Social media has no bounds like an asshole scorned.

I hope everything in life bad happens to Dave. I hope he gets that toothbrush from Target and he is successful in his court defense. And I hope when he’s home one night and he’s brushing his teeth the head of the toothbrush pops off and the sharp metal under it stabs him in the gums, causing him to bleed. I hope he then goes to bed with a tingling sensation in his mouth that doesn’t go away for weeks until he musters $70 for a co-pay because he has the health insurance of a homeless person and gets it checked out. Then I hope the Dr. runs a bunch of tests and they have to draw an insane amount of blood that he becomes a voo-doo doll and his body whistles when you push on his skin because he has so many puncture wounds on it. I hope he racks up hundreds of thousands of medical expenses that he can never afford to pay off because they can’t find a diagnosis and he can’t get a job because every news outlet he’s ever written for disavows him because his jokes about terrorism are just to good to not share with the world. And then I hope they finally do one day find what is wrong with him. And when the Dr. comes in I hope he sits him down and gives him a signed 8×10 photo of Anthony Bourdain with the inscription “You have A.I.D.s”. And when his body is riddled with an incurable disease, from a toothbrush he so desperately wanted and went to great lengths to have, I hope someone on Twitter ridicules him mercilessly until he fades away dying and making the world a better place. This is how I hope this story ends.



0 0 votes
Article Rating

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments