Official Baseball Cheating Scandal Statement

Joe

Baseball cheating scandal is rocking the sport right now. Hinch, Cora and now Beltran have all been canned basically. Yankees are going to be the next ones to bite the dust. It’s only a matter of time. So I feel as the owner of a sports media company, I need to make a formal statement. So here goes it.

Who, fucking, cares? Let them cheat. This is barely even cheating. Since the start of signs, there was sign stealing. If you don’t like it, change the signs more often. Otherwise, who cares? Baseball needs an XFL version. Everyone is all juiced up, they have sirens that go off when the other team is about to throw an off speed pitch, and pitchers can use pine tar for good measure. More cheating. Don’t stop cheating.

If the other teams are cheating, then you have to cheat more. Everyone in the league is bending the rules in some way. If you’re not willing to do whatever it takes to win, then you don’t deserve the banner. Ain’t cheatin, ain’t tryin.

If you’re upset, like actually upset over this and think it’s a big deal, you’re a big soft dumb dumb. Probably want to bring back the dead ball era too I bet. I’d also be willing to wager that you hate the Yankees right field fence too. Just a big time fun sponge. Baseball needs cheating. This off season has easily been the most compelling in the history of the sport. I hope it comes out that someone like Aaron Judge killed a guy too. Let’s see how far the rabbit hole really goes. More scandals, more cheating, more more more.

So in conclusion, stop caring about something that doesn’t matter. Everyone in baseball is looking for a competitive advantage. This is nothing. Let the boys play and let them cheat.

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