The 5 Biggest Psychopaths From The Bachelor Season Premiere

BadGalAli

As I’m sure you know, I have been on a Bachelor boycott since Nick Viall’s season. Sure the drama with all the girls is always great, but I just really despise ABC for making us suffer through the gauntlet of Nick Viall, ARIE and then Colton. There were better choices every step of the way, and ABC always takes the path no one wants but watches anyways. Not me. I only watched like 4 episodes in the background while I was on my phone during Colton’s season.

Truly I wanted Mike to be the Bachelor this year, and I still think he would have been the better choice. But when I heard Reality Steve hasn’t been able to spoil this season yet, I was hooked. I could give or take Peter/Pete himself but I must know what happens at the end of this and I need to know now.

We need to decide if we’re doing Pete or Peter though and we need to do it now before it gets weird.

Monday night’s Bachelor premiere was 3 entire hours long and honestly I could have watched 16 straight. We got all the limo entrances, first rose ceremony, first group date and first one-on-one date WITH HIS PARENTS on night 1. It would be disrespectful to the franchise to not watch this shit. Night 1 brings out all the crazies, but as always some rise above the rest.

1.Hannah B. What an absolute sociopath Hannah B is. First coming out of the limos and then making an entire sex date for Peter on her birthday only to cry about her feelings the whole time into some Walmart brand mascara?? We’ve had enough Hannah B. She picked fucking Jed. Let Peter pick some 22 year old fitness influencer and have his own female empowerment moment. I hate they are even trying to trick us into thinking she’ll come back.

“I’m having a really hard time picking up the rumba” is my favorite sentence of all time.

2. These crying chicks

You just can’t be the girl to cry when another girl cheats in a fake game obstacle course where you had to change in a fake portapotty. You wanna cry about how bad you want to find love or if you have a childhood trauma sob story so be it. Not because of the fake plane emergency obstacle course.

3. Mykenna the 22 year old fashion blogger has really got me fucked up. Having 22 year olds on this show to begin with is a setup. These girls are still just so hopeful and optimistic that love is real and that this is there last shot at finding true love. Kill me now. Plus anyone named Mykenna has to be a psychopath. With parents like that you are bound to be crazy.

4. Hannah B’s Makeup Artist. Enough said. Welcome to a new decade where we use waterproof mascara. I’ve tested them all by just wearing them and crying in everyday life and here are my recommendations. Oh and Lauren Conrad did it better.

5. The girl Peter met at the hotel before the show started. This is a You spin-off if I’ve ever seen it. Pretty easy to find out where Peter went to high school and where his 10 year reunion might be. No chance fate is real, this chick is just resourceful and also psychotic. No hesitation to cheat on the obstacle course either. She probably had the map laid out months ago. Good luck Peter, I mean Beck.

aliweitz

 

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