— Sam Amick (@sam_amick) December 23, 2019
How about Uncle Dennis being the literal definition of strike while the iron is hot? When your nephew just singel-handedly led a team to an NBA Championship and is the most sought after free agent of the 2019 summer you do what you need to do. I feel like Uncle Dennis was Dr. Evil just giving his list of demands to teams.
Uncle Dennis just shooting from the hip. No chance he knew everything he asked for was against NBA rules. Jeanie Buss was probably on the other line wondering why she has to even entertain this clown. Uncle Dennis feels like the annoying friend of the hot girl you’re trying to sleep with. The annoying friend is either too drunk or wants to go home just as the night is getting good. So you give her another shot or pass her off to one of your lonely friends just to keep her pre-occupied.
If Uncle Dennis had any sense he’d take a page out of Armageddon.
“None of them want to pay taxes again. Ever.”
If I was ever in a position that I could make demands here are a couple I’d make.
A Tour of Area 51: I want to know the in’s and out’s of the most secret place on Earth. Where do they keep the Aliens? Where is the UFOs that have some of the most expansive technology ever seen by man. I need to know what is going on in Area 51.
The truth of if Delonte West really fucked LeBron’s mom: 17 year old Kyle needs this just to finally bury the hatchet. In 2003 I decided to hitch my wagon to LeBron James. Loved everything about him. Read those features in Sports Illustrated cover to cover while he was in high school. I had his bobblehead, went to the Sixers/Cavs game everytime he was in Philly. My mom & dad bought me the “King James Ct” street sign moniker. Looking back on it those Cavaliers teams were some of the most poorly assembled teams ever. It was LeBron James and Zydrunas Ilgauskus with Sasa Pavlovic, Larry Hughes, Mo Williams, ANDERSON VAREJAO sprinkled in. Those teams were dreadful. Rumors swirled that LeBron left Cleveland for Miami because Delonte West slept with his mom which is 100% believable. I need to know the real answer to this. I was crushed when LeBron chose the Heat. But it provided my favorite shirt ever that my grandmom bought me for Christmas.
A Time Machine: Pretty self explanatory. Get a sports almanac and send it back to yourself like Back To The Future so you can gamble and actually win games. That would be the greatest.
Diving into a pile of gold coins and money: I want to do exactly what Scrooge McDuck does in that gif.
Bring back the NCAA March Madness video game: Everyone is consistently on the NCAA Football games dick, but the NCAA March Madness 2004 game held it’s own on Playstation 2. The one with Carmelo Anthony on the cover was awesome. Luol Deng was a FORCE on Duke as a Freshman. No names, just all numbers and deformed faces.