Everything From Yesterday’s Win Over The Dallas Cowboys

kylep1234

 

Follow: @BrandedKyle

 

 

There is no morning better than Victory Monday after you beat the Dallas Cowboys and secure control of the division. The city was on fire last night! I’m nursing a hangover of stale McGillins beer mixed with 67 TouchTunes credits for Mr. Brightside to be played on loop on the 2nd floor. There were E-A-G-L-E-S chants everywhere as far as the ears could hear. I’m surprised this city is still standing honestly. And this was just for the Division. Let’s get into everything from the pre-game and beyond because it was the most beautifully crisp 50 degree night in December for an Eagles win.

We’ve got grandmoms tearing it up while tailgating in D Lot. Shaking that ass for the camera like she just celebrated VJ Day and the troops are coming home! That bag on her foot couldn’t even stop the absolute massacre she was putting down on the pavement. As a guy who has a grandmom this is impressive. I don’t think my grandmom could do that. And for the woman who tried to steal granny’s shine by jumping in, get bent. No one wants to see you’re frumpy ass. We came to see grandma Milly Rock all over everyone.

 

Should’ve known the Cowboys had no shot after Kelly K-9 got involved. Protein shake and Busch Light with that country having ass accent is exactly the type of trailer home white trash I expect all Cowboys fans to be.

 

If you doubted Carson Wentz like we all did after they lost to the Dolphins he’s got a December stat line he’d like to show you.

 

Last night he started off on fire! Converting two 3rd and longs and driving the Eagles 121 yards on the first two drives to give the Eagles a 10-0 lead before Chris Christie was even able to finish his first bag of M&M’s in Jerry Jones’ press box. During the game the notable inactives graphic flashed across the screen. That is the tale of the Philadelphia Eagle’s season. Five number 1 targets all sidelined and arguably his best Offensive Lineman. Honestly, with what Carson has done this season with limited production from his top guys, $128 million might not have been enough.

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Dak on the other hand probably just got himself franchise tagged. He went 25/44 for only 265 yds. It’s almost impossible to throw the ball 40+ times and not pass for 300 yards. He missed a ton of open throws with Eagles defenders two steps behind his receivers.

How about Sidney Jones coming back from the dead for a textbook defensive pass breakup? We’ve seen this tons of times. An Eagles cornerback gets burnt for a TD and they lose. But not this time. We’re going to have to rely on him more as Ronald Darby will be missing significant time with a hip strain.

 

The Jerry Jones Exits are wonderful especially when he has that fat fuck weasel Chris Christie tailing him from behind.

The play on the field for any non Cowboy or Eagles fan was probably a snoozefest. 17-9 isn’t really a slobberknocker they’ll feature on NFL Network for the next 100 years.  The postgame is where everything went down.

The players’ walk to the locker room has been a highlight all year win or lose as the soundbites the media gets are gold.

Nigel Bradham doesn’t forget!

For those that forgot:

 

Brandon Graham is usually the ring-leader of the shit talking, typically going after Derrick Gunn, but this time he left it for Ryan Clark.

 

That’s because our own head coach already brutally murdered Derrick Gunn before Brandon Graham even had the chance. Gunn had the Cowboys beating the Eagles in the pre-game 30-10.

There is so much to unpack in this Skip Bayless video. Everyone has dissected the microwave and the feng shui of the cabinets, but I would kill to be the fly on the wall for the conversation between Skip’s wife Ernestine and him prior to this video. Was this all in one take? Something tells me Ernestine doesn’t know the difference between horizontal and vertical video filming and she probably needed a tutorial. Skip has been gifting us his takes with no editing that I feel this definitely was done in only one. Have I been discrediting Ernestine this whole time? Does she direct these videos? She probably takes some tape and puts it on the floor for Skips “marker”. She’s in the background like fucking Scorsese directing a tracking shot like he’s Ray Liotta going through the kitchen in Goodfellas. Lastly, there’s no trashbag in the trashcan. I know this is all a set up, but how do you not have a trashbag in your trashcan? I’m giggling thinking of him telling Ernestine to turn off the video and picking the jersey and hat out of the trashcan to put it back on.

 

Troy Aikman rubbing more salt in the wound for all the Delaware Valley Cowboy fans who fell in love with the Cowboys at first because of him.

 

I don’t say this lightly because I take my Monty G rap rankings seriously. Maybe it’s the hangover, but this is a 10/10 Monty G rap.

 

During the press conference a drunk Eagles fan who snuck in asked Doug about Eli Manning next weekend.

 

Dez Bryant – not a Jason Garrett fan.

 

And then the cherry on top of this Victory souffle. The Dallas Cowboys having to spend 3 extra hours on a bus because their plane had mechanical issues.


2 AM in the morning and we have Eagles fans still in all of their glory running around the neighborhood.


Dan Orlovsky is the leader of the Wentz Wagon! Keep this up and Orlovsky will be our next Kyle Brandt.

 

Wtf Daily News? I know you have to sell papers, but this is just lazy. There is a small sub-group of people who actually think Nick Foles should be playing over Carson Wentz. It’s magnetized because we highlight it in the media and on the radio. Don’t feed the trolls.

 

Fin.

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