Everyone On The East Coast Just Had Their Identity Stolen Because Of Wawa’s Data Breach

kylep1234

PHILADELPHIA (WPVI) — The CEO of Wawa says they are investigating a data breach that has potentially affected all of their locations.

“I am very sorry to share with you that Wawa has experienced a data security incident. Our information security team discovered malware on Wawa payment processing servers on December 10, 2019, and contained it by December 12, 2019,” said Wawa CEO Chris Gheysens in a letter to customers on Thursday.

This malware affected customer payment card information used at potentially all Wawa locations beginning at different points in time after March 4, 2019 and until it was contained last week.

This malware affected payment card information, including credit and debit card numbers, expiration dates, and cardholder names on payment cards used at potentially all Wawa in-store payment terminals and fuel dispensers.

So there is no chance everyone on the East Coast from 99 to 15 didn’t have their identity stolen because of Wawa’s data breach. Who in their right mind would forgo Wawa for 8 months? If you can go that long without having a Wawa Classic Italian hoagie , soft pretzel, or fill up the gas tank then you have more willpower then Tim Tebow at a Bachelor Party on ecstasy. Wawa serves the single greatest gas-station food you will ever eat. Sheetz? Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit. Sheetz is for meth-heads and people who marry their cousins. Royal Farms? Enjoy being a poor DelMarVa. Royal Farms is making a push into Pennsylvania and I’m surprised they haven’t been burned to the ground yet like that Taco Bell that opened in Mexico back in the day.  7-Eleven? I’m pretty sure they don’t sell edible food other than Slurpees. You deserve to be on the no-fly list if you’re eating the pizza, taquitos, or taco options that role around on the griller for 72 hours straight and are dryer then a wet-dream with Lizzo wearing assless chaps.

How about the top notch security sleuths over at Wawa taking the whole summer off? The malware breach happened in March and they just got around to finding it in December? I mean this in the most polite way possible, but every nerd on the security team should be publicly mocked in gallows in front of City Hall at the Christmas Village while we throw expired Wawa pretzels at them. Someone may die, but that’s the price you need to pay.

Wawa shouldn’t be held accountable for this though – except the security team – tar and feather them. Wawa has delivered and continued to deliver since I was a little boy and my dad would buy me Gatorades 2 for $3 on the way to my basketball game. And now they’re offering beer in their stores which is an absolute gamechanger to a kid who grew up in PA and needed to go to separate stores to get food and beer. Wawa should never be held accountable for anything. Messed up my order? That’s fine you’re batting 99%. Out of coffee in the morning? No problem, it is delicious, I can’t be mad the demand is higher than the supply. Simple trickle down economics. Accidentally give my credit card number to the Dark Web? Playa’s fuck up. It happens. I stand with Wawa. You know what? I’m leaving the office to go get coffee now to show solidarity.

P.S. Bring back the GOAT flavor Gatorade Mango

My Wawa order:

  • Classic Italian Hoagie
  • Little bit of oil
  • Little bit of vinegar
  • Lettuce, Pickles, Banana Peppers
  • Fritos to crush up and put in the sandwich
  • Herr’s Jalapeno Kettle Cooked Chips
  • 2 for $3 Gatorade – any flavor except for Cool Blue (bring back the GOAT Mango).

 

Wawa’s Ranked:

  1. Wawa off of 322 from the 3A exit off of I-95
  2. Old School Wawa down in Wildwood
  3. Wawa next to the Dead Dog in Sea Isle
  4. Intersection North Wales Rd & Horsham Road (would be higher, but it’s an old school Wawa with no gas)
  5. 13th & Chestnut anytime before 2am when the bars let out.

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650. Broad & Walnut. If you leave without getting stabbed that is your prize.

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