16 year old Greta Thumbum was named TIME’s Person of the Year making her the youngest winner of the award ever. Fucking Thumbum just moving and shaking all over the climate change activists. How about all the Greenpeace hippies who would go out in the Atlantic Ocean to protest oil drilling, risking their lives and Thumbum gets on stage says a couple words in her Bond villain voice, tells politicians how they’re ruining her life, and is moving people to tears. Give me a fucking break.
Thumbum just got her period 6 days ago, now I’m supposed to listen to her about how the ice caps are melting and the polar bears are losing their ecosystem? Listen I believe climate change is real thing, you don’t have to watch a documentary for that. We barely have all four seasons anymore in the Northeast. I just don’t need some girl who can barely drive her Toyota Prius telling me I ruined her generation because I didn’t recycle the pizza box from the weekend in the right bin. I recycle with the best of them and it grinds my gears when people throw things out in the trash that are meant for recycling? But it is time consuming. I just learned you’re supposed to clean out the pasta sauce jar before recycling it? What do I pay taxes for if I have to start cleaning out jars and shit. Isn’t that the trash people’s job down at the plant? You ever clean out the plastic cup filled with weeks old ricotta cheese?? It’s god awful!
And where did this girl come from? She just trot out of the womb protesting greenhouse emissions like she’s at Woodstock? At least the people at Woodstock had good taste in music. She probably listens to Swedish House Mafia or ABBA.
And how about the prominent company she’s in:
What esteemed company there Thumbum!
But you know what? I’m a 1x winner of TIME’s Person of the Year in 2006 at the age of 13. So suck on that Thumbum! Your record of being the youngest winner of this prestigious award is null and void and I accept your statement of declining the title of Youngest Ever already. You can send your denouncement to firstname.lastname@example.org.