Monday Morning Gambler

kylep1234

Disclaimer: This is a satirical gambling version mixture of Peter King’s Monday Morning Quarterback and PFT Commenter’s Monday Morning Bowel Movement articles. It comes with no political correctness because this is America and in America it’s the land of the free and home of a lot of obese people dressing as animals on a Sunday. 


 

The Greed:

Is It Time For A QB Change In New England?

The New England Patriots lost their second straight game in a row yesterday to the Kansas City Chiefs and Patrick Mahomes in Foxboro. In the past no one ever came into Foxboro and won, but this year isn’t like others. Tom Brady and the New England Patriots offense have been anemic only contributing 169 yards on 19/36 with a TD and INT. With the season in turmoil it’s time for a QB change, but not for the reasons you’re thinking. Yes, Brady should be replaced by a younger QB in Jarrett Stidham who is not currently at risk for Alzheimers or a colonoscopy as much as Brady is. With the move to Stidham this could open up a new wrinkle in the playbook by incorporating Brady into the backfield at running back. He had the highest YPC average yesterday. He showed he still has the fleet footed nature of his 5.28 40 time in the combine after 20 years. Also, word out of Jacobi Meyers and N’Keal Harry’s camp is their having trouble tracking the ball since it’s coming out of the slower arm speed of Tom Brady. Just last week in practice Stidham went 72/72 in drills while Tom went a measly 68/72. Always an innovator, Bill Belichick needs to realize the time is now before they’re getting 40 dropped on their heads in January at M&T Bank Stadium.

 


Quote Board sponsored by etsy-heart-logo.png

Best quotes from the weekend:

Where’s the closest strip club?

– Joey Freshwater, new Ole Miss Head Ball Coach

Grrrbbl, llamanam, booga, shoulda.

-Baby Yoda, on Baby Yoda Memes

 

I enjoy the chicken fingers, but the soup in the cafeteria is cold four

out of the five days. I know it’s gazpacho and it’s

supposed to be served cold but would clam chowder one day hurt? It is what it is. 

-Baker Mayfield, on the Brown’s cafeteria staff mishandling lunch.


Tout Tweets of the Week

This section will dedicated to Vegas Dave’s new girlfriend Holly Sonders until further notice.

davesonders.jpg

NSFW: Holly Sonders Nudes

 

sonders6sonders5sonders3sonders4sonders2sonders1


10 Things I Bet I Bet

  1. I Bet Nick Cannon vs Eminem would end in Nick being victorious. But if it’s a hardcore match do you think Slim Shady still has the chainsaw from that Source magazine?

em chainsaw.jpg

1a. Nick Cannon’s ‘diss track’ to Eminem. I’ve never heard 8 people on a diss track before.

1b. Eminem’s response

2. I Bet if the Eagles wide receiver core keeps going the way it’s going we’re getting this in between Week 16 & 17.

 

3. I Bet LSU and Clemson are going to be in the Championship game and Clemson is going to win it all again. Clemson is top to bottom built just like LSU. Dabo will get his guys ready with the “Nobody believes in us mantra”. +200 odds is looking mighty tasty right now for the Tigers.

4. I Bet this guy with the re-usable Whole Foods bag is getting ripped apart in his group chat. How the hell are you supposed to be taken seriously pulling evidence out of your bag like you got a great deal on 2 for 1 whole wheat pasta cause you’re a Prime member?

 

5. I Bet ESPN looked at the Week 15 NFL schedule and said ‘Shit. We need to fill two weeks of airtime.” and this Patriots story fell into their lap.

 

6. I Bet some time in the next 20 years a deepfake video will ruin someone in a position of power’s career. Proved to be a deepfake video, but the damage will already have come so far undone the person won’t ever be able to regain prominence.

I’m excited for that one ^. Gonna blog the shit out of it.

7. I Bet the best moment from the 2010s is looked back on as the invention of Social Media. Yea it sucks that Joe Smith now gets a platform to promote his terrible sports takes, and Aunt Maureen gets to share all of those cat videos on Facebook. But there’s been a ton of good that’s come out of it the Fappening, Jordan Crying Meme, Memes in general, Instagram filters, that one guy who tweeted out he never fucked his cat…but he definitely fucked his cat.

8. I Bet YOU’RE SITTING AT HOME AND NOBODY WANTS YOU!

9. I bet the Nike logo on a baseball jersey looks weird to everyone

phils nike.jpeg

10. I bet this guy has a million and 1 friends.


The Gamble Ramble

Holly Sonders so

Hot, want to touch the hiney

A wooooooooooooooo

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