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Monday Morning Gambler

kylep1234

Disclaimer: This is a satirical gambling version mixture of Peter King’s Monday Morning Quarterback and PFT Commenter’s Monday Morning Bowel Movement articles. It comes with no political correctness because this is America and in America it’s the land of the free and home of a lot of obese people dressing as animals on a Sunday. 

The Greed:

Is God Real?

Known for creation and the guy everyone thanks at an award dinner, God is like Aaron Rodgers. Will turn his back on his family to prove a point.

Which brings me to my point is this God fella actually real? As the Belichick of Blasphemy I feel that what has happened to all of the proponents of God this NFL season the question is valid. Nick Foles credits his huge hog to the man upstairs, but all Big Daddy Dios does is break the guys clavicle in Week 1. Carson Wentz has more God quote boards from Etsy than a Northeast Philly Italian mother who’s boys were brought up in the Father Judge parish. He’s regressed to the mean. What about other God fearing men who play for the Shield? The Shield of Christ from sin. Michael Bennett – cut. Matt Stafford – broken back. Myles Garrett – attempted murder. The list continues to go on and on. God is supposed to be in all of us. Why then did Myles Garrett attempt to exorcise him from Mason Rudolph with his own helmet?

Makes you think.

The Annual Turkey’s Last Rites By Al Michaels

On a cloudy November day in Perkasie, Pennsylvania the morning winds cut through the trees like a carving knife slicing through a turkey breast. The 11 lb bird is curled in the fetal position like Peyton Manning taking a sack when his offensive line forgot to block. Hungry on-lookers stand over the turkey on Thanksgiving Day salivating like Peyton Manning taking out his sack to drape it on an un-suspecting athletic trainer’s head. The turkey, browned, sweats like Patrick Ewing at the foul line. This turkey lived the life of a king, who’s dynasty was overthrown, and he was sent to the gallows. This wouldn’t be the first van a 2 year old was tricked into entering, never to return again.

~Al Michaels

Thanksgiving  hasn’t started until Sunday Night Football cuts to a turkey farm and Al Michaels reads the turkey’s last rites.


Tout Tweets of the Week:

Crushed it!

 

Getting hotter!

Love cappers that just read stats off the screen next to them

Vegas Dave getting friend zoned to Mars



10 Things I Bet I Bet:

  1. With the first pick in the 2020 NBA Draft

2. Jalen Hurts is the newest member of Boyz II Men

3. Send everyone to jail.

4. I bet we could use more drones. It just doesn’t feel like there is enough drones around the city. Instead of Skycam we should just do drone footage. Shit I should be in charge of the NFL.

5.

6. If you’re Twitter account gets hacked the hacker should be able to have it until you can take it back. If you’re the owner of Twitter and your Twitter account is hacked you don’t deserve it back. If it’s hacked by a little kid even worse. I feel like securing the founder of Twitter’s account from kids in diapers at all costs is rule #1 when it comes to cybersecurity at your company.

7. Ben & Jerry’s flavors ranked:

1…Half Baked

2..Phish Food

3..Chocolate Fudge Brownie

….

..

..

100.. Cherry Garcia

8. This takes a ton of guts from Brnadon Brooks. I thank god everyday I don’t have crippling anxiety.

bbrooks note.PNG

9. I need the pinata guy to at least give the person a chance

10. Under 46.5 on MNF is free money tonight. You’re welcome!


Gamble Ramble:

So I teased Packers,

Aaron Rodgers stank face game,

My pockets are light.

 

 

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