I Very Respectfully Disagree That John Legend Is The Sexiest Man Alive

Everyone’s favorite day is finally here. The day People Magazine announces its Sexiest Man Alive of the year. That’s why when Chrissy Teigen tweeted this on Tuesday afternoon, everyone immediately knew what was coming.

Just kidding, but I’m sure there were at least 100 comments thinking this actually was indeed a baby announcement, could it be twins? Nope, just the Sexiest Man Alive in 2019 John Legend.


I don’t envy the people at People that have to decide who to name the Sexiest Man Alive for the year. Are there just closed door meetings of journalists pulling up thirst traps from hot guys Instagrams and fighting over who is hotter? Are there any openings? After Blake Shelton in 2017 I would never let this fly.

John Legend is a very attractive man. He has the voice of a true angel and seems like a very good person. I wish him and Chrissy a lifetime of happiness. Do I want to fuck his brains out? Not particularly.

You’d have to go back to 1992’s Sexiest Man Alive at that time Nick Notle to find the last dud on this list before the Blake Shelton debacle of 2017.

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A list of absolute man rockets. There’s not one on there between 1993-2016 that a straight man wouldn’t pass at an opportunity with. We got back on track with Idris last year and I can’t help but be a little underwhelmed with John Legend.

Even John Legend himself was hesitant to accept the honor.

‘I’m Excited but a Little Scared at the Same Time’

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Once these things come out the vultures of the internet such as myself emerge to declare their opinion on why he just doesn’t deserve this fake award.

Chrissy Teigen is the type of crazy to actually get off on people being pissed about this. They might make another baby not because of how sexy John is but how much good social media content is being made. I mean, this video of the kids reacting to the news?

This witty yet artistic Instagram post?

So who would I have named instead? Honestly there’s really not a ton to choose from. Men in 2019 are pretty disgusting. There’s not really many left that haven’t been canceled. Maybe John Legend really is the Sexiest Man Alive in 2019, but I’ll throw a few more names in the mix that I would have brought up if I were on the selection committee.

On any planet that Michael B Jordan lives on in my opinion he is the sexiest man on it. It’s a travesty that he doesn’t have this award under his belt already. He deserves it. But he didn’t have a big movie or anything this year so probably not as marketable.


Justin Bieber is coming off a really hot Calvin Klein underwear campaign with his wife so it could be a chance to turn things around with a Sexiest Man Alive title in 2019.

Chris Evans probably deserves one of these things and I’m pretty sure women want to fuck Captain America.

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Efron? He’s always a good safe choice.

Another award Leo is just going to be snubbed for year after year? No wonder he fucks 24 year olds. Give him his Sexiest Man Alive nod and ride off into the sunset.

Will Smith is hotter at 51 than Nick Nolte was in 1993 at the same age so I wouldn’t even be mad at that choice.

But if you want those clicks, and you want to get the streets talking you look no further than who the Queen of the Internet is fucking.

We’re on to 2020.


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