This News Coverage Of A State Trooper Who Blacked Out And Jerked Off At A Luke Bryan Concert Deserves An Emmy

Every once in a while when my show ends on DVR and I’m too engrossed on Twitter I forget to hit exit on the recording and accidentally watch the first 3 minutes of the news. It’s the worst part of my week because the news is always depressing and usually makes me disappointed in humankind. People that regularly watch the news are masochists that probably have trouble sleeping at night so consider me out on the local news.

However it’s because not every day does a news piece this hard hitting, this informative, and this well produced comes across my desk. The people of WCVB in Boston, specifically Julie Lonchich, deserve some accolades for this one.

The story opens by emphasizing that WCVB’s cameras were the ONLY crew there that caught the Massachusetts state trooper leaving court after being charged with lewd, wanton and lascivious conduct which took place during an intermission of a Luke Bryan concert at Gillette Stadium. No one gives out more boners the Luke Bryan.

Because of a lack of cell reception, which is truly an honest representation of Gillette stadium–the absolute worst part of being a Patriots fan, no one could report the guy jerking off.  I guess people would rather watch a man masturbate in public than talk to a human being and approach a security guard?

After the concert people swarmed to Facebook to post to the Luke Bryan group chat what they witnessed. Seriously, there’s no way people actually use Facebook to share information anymore. The narration and voiceover of the Facebook comments was what I imagine every newscaster tries to achieve. I got chills when she got to verbally saying “eggplant emoji” instead of just showing the texts and letting people read them. True professional, always willing to take it to the ends of the earth for a good news story.

Was it necessary for her to be on scene at Gillette either? This incident happened in June, no one from the Luke Bryan concert is still here.

Finishing it out with the “he’s been off the job…but he’s still getting paid” was surgery for this lady. Roast his ass! Give her a statue.



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