Okay, so it’s Thursday and the NBA season is officially upon us. Last night, the basketball Gods blessed us with the first Celtics game of the season, which coincidentally was also the first game against the Sixers, which used to be a rivalry until last night.
For a rivalry to be a rivalry, both teams need to submit a pulse. Whenever the Jets roll into Foxborough and Sam Darnold’s dumb ass is Mic’d up and says something like “Hard not to be jacked up for a rivalry game,” I nearly choke up all the cum in my mouth.
The Jets fucking stink. They’ve stunk since their second year in the league. The Patriots, on the other hand, have ALWAYS been perennial Super Bowl contenders. Ever since the days of Gino Cappelletti catching fade routes and swiping 30-yarders, the Patriots have always been considered the gold standard of the National Football League—that’s just a fact.
So yeah, when the Patriots line up across Gang Green, I yawn and grab a Fresca; the same goes for when the Celtics tip off against Philly. Ever since last night, the Sixers have absolutely DOMINATED this Celtics team, and last night was no different.
For starters, I think it’s pretty safe to say at this point that the Kemba Walker signing turned out to be a complete and utter bust. You would think a guy with that track record would be able to push this team to a .500 record, but no, the guy hasn’t been able to hit water if he fell out of a boat this season. Might as well just sit his ass on the pine until the trade deadline and hope some horribly run franchise like Golden State or Toronto takes a flyer on him.
Ben Simmons looked like the stud we was drafted to be a few years ago with 25 points on 11-14 shooting. What’s even more shocking is that none of those points came from beyond the arc. In other words, the Sixers kicked the living shit out of the Celtics WITHOUT Simmons putting on a clinic from deep. Just imagine of he decided to pop a few just over half court…
The only bright spot for the Celtics last night was Gordon Hayward, but that’s ONLY if you disregard the fact he’s a White male who probably voted for Trump/supports Mexican child imprisonment. I can’t say his game sucked last night but having that big of a distraction in the locker room doesn’t bode well for the green.
All in all, they need to blow it up. Kemba sucks, Jaylen Brown’s a punk, and it’ll take 3-4 more years before Brad Wanamaker (age 30) comes into his NBA body and becomes the perennial all-pro the Celtics signed him to be. What a waste of a season…
– Joey Boats (@joey_boats)
P.S. For those of you who still have their doubts regarding whether the Celtics are the worst team in the Eastern Conference, explain this graphic…