Meet Whizzy, South Philly's newest mascot. The city's very first official cheesesteak mascot made his debut today at @GenosSteaks ahead of his public tour of the city. https://t.co/xu9cm3045n pic.twitter.com/jtEWSn3ZNK
— NBC10 Philadelphia (@NBCPhiladelphia) October 21, 2019
This couldn’t have waited? Maybe call the news on Wednesday? Conduct the PR pony and horse show then? Did Geno’s think this would just slip under the cracks after an Eagles loss? You just had to introduce a mascot that looks like an un-circumcised penis with eyes. Phanatic, Gritty, and now Rumpleforeskin. And you had to name it Whizzy? Come the fuck on Geno’s! You’re embarrassing us over here. You would’ve been better off creating an ICE officer that just shouts “Speaking Fucking English” at customers. It’s fucking Monday, Philadelphia. Get your shit together! The Cowboys bent the Eagles over their knee and spanked us last night, we’ve got a source-off between a reputable ESPN reporter and Philly’s own Charles Manson (people forget Howard Eskin killed a woman), I’m fighting high school kids on Twitter for burning Carson Wentz’s jersey, and now this Tonsil Tickler is taking pictures with children.
I mean they had to torture this poor woman off camera to feed the Trouser Snake french fries.
Go back to the drawing board there Genos. You don’t see Pat’s introducing a mascot named King Henry VIII and he’s just murdering every woman and child in line. No. Because their cheesesteaks already do that from the inside. Boom. Roasted.