El Camino: Just A Resounding “Ehh”…

Joey Boats

Okay, so it’s Friday and I just watched El Camino. It’s been out over a week but, as always, I elect to give people time to watch it before I start hammering away at my keyboard. For those keeping score at home, this is officially the first Netflix release I’ve reviewed and I guess I’ll start there…

Disclaimer: Below will include spoilers, and not the type of spoilers you would customize and throw on the back of your Lamborghini Murcielago police car in Need For Speed: Hot Pursuit 2 on Gamecube.

When I first heard that a Breaking Bad movie would be in the works, I was tentatively excited. Netflix has developed into a relatively solid bastion for original content since its emergence; however, it tends to be hit or miss. When it comes to original series, they’ve smashed it on a few accounts—Stranger Things, Orange is the New Black, the first couple seasons of House of Cards to name a few—but when it comes to original features, nothing outside of Roma (which was incredible, but boring as all fuck) comes to mind. That said, hearing that Breaking Bad‘s creator/writer Vince Gilligan would be rocking the headset and calling plays from the box, my ears perked up.

Before I begin, I’d like to get two things out of the way:

1. One thing I heard a bazillion times leading up to the release of this movie was the whole “They’re going to ruin the original” mantra that everyone loves to spew whenever the suits want to squeeze out a few more dollars out of a property. My opinion on this is well documented but I’ll say it again: People who complain about a sequel or a spinoff or a reboot “ruining” the original are fucking stupid. It’s a ridiculous complaint. I mean, ask yourself: Do you really think less of Dumb and Dumber or Die Hard or Anchorman or Jaws or Caddyshack or The Karate Kid or Meet the Parents because the second installment sucked balls? Do those movie suck now too? I mean, give me a break dude…

2. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Breaking Bad—I consider it on the outskirts of my top 5 TV shows of all time list—but I just can’t bring myself to agree with the people that stick it on this pedestal as the greatest show of all time. Like, it’s certainly an all time show, but to suggest it’s near perfect is ridiculous. Point blank, when it was good, it was sensational; when it was bad, it was fucking absurd. I’m a big dialogue guy and I’d be repressed if I didn’t assert there are conservations throughout that show that come off so unbelievable. In particular, the conversations between Jesse and his friends seem like if an extremely out-of-touch dad was asked to transcribe a mock discussion between his distant son/shithead friends. Not to mention, the lead DEA agent is written/acted so over the top it’s insane. Not to mention (x2), what in the living fuck was the point of that plane crash?!? They built that shit up through cutaway scenes for three whole seasons and for what? It did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to advance the plot…

Okay, I’m done…

In the interest of time (I’ve always dumped a shitload into this WordPress dashboard), I’ll just say this: There is almost nothing I can really say about El Camino other than that it was okay.

If you’ve seen it, you probably know what I’m talking about. I mean, there are a few highlights throughout the film but, at the same time, nothing really moves the needle. The best way I can describe it is just an opportunity to spend an extra 2 hours with a character you grew to love.

The writing was okay, the acting was okay, the story was okay, and that’s about it…

When it comes down to it, I’d take offense to anyone who said it was terrible because there simply wasn’t enough to criticize. It took zero risks and although I nearly fell asleep during the first 40 minutes, I can’t really complain. Why? Because, well, it was on Netflix. If I took 2 hours and $16 out of my day to see it, I would’ve probably had a stronger opinion; considering I didn’t, I’m just mute on this one.

Is it going to blow your dick off? No. Is it going to disappoint you? No. Is it worth the watch? I mean, I guess so, it’s free…

Final Rating: 6.6 Boats out of 10

– Joey Boats (@joey_boats)

2019-20 Reviews

Fighting With My Family: 8.9

Captain Marvel: 6.4

How To Train Your Dragon 3: 8.7

US: 8.1

Dumbo: 4.3

Shazam!: 7.5

Avengers Endgame: 9.6

Detective Pikachu: 5.5

Booksmart: 9.3

Rocketman: 7.9

Toy Story 4: 9.2

Spider Man Far From Home: 9.0

The Peanut Butter Falcon: 8.1

Joker: 9.5

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