Death 2 The XFL: Day 2 Recap

Last night the XFL lost their biggest and most important fan, Me. I trained relentlessly, ate nothing but red meat and protein to turn my body into a cinderblock of chiseled perfection, and edited my tryout video so that it only showed my best moments. All for 70 rounds to go by and not have my name even uttered once. The XFL actually thinks there are 700 players better than me! 700!

We had guys making jungle noises getting selected over me!

If I ever did that on a job interview I’d be escorted out by building security.

We had Bob Stoops butchering his own future player’s names.

Hey Coach in the heat of the moment when we’re running the 2 Minute Drill you’re not going to have time to fuck up Doyin’s name. It’ll be chaos. Kyle is simple.

Admittedly the only guy who should’ve been drafted over me is Shawn Oakman frankly because he scares me. And I don’t want to speak ill on him.

As they say the film doesn’t lie. And my film told no lies. My agent, Drew Rosenhaus, ever heard of him? Will be waiting by the phone for an invite to Fall Camp.

P.S. This blog becomes null and void if the XFL brings me on as a consultant. That ‘Fans Bring Their Own Weapons’ game would be a master class in Ratings 101.

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