Turns out there isn’t any good NFL teams. Be a lot easier on me if they would be better but I guess I have to work harder than most. Good job me.
This is going to be Brandeds weekly power ranking and I want to be as clear as anyone can possibly be, I don’t care if you agree or don’t agree. I am going to be as unbiased as I can but please believe me when I say I don’t give a fuck what you think of this list. I’ll do a write up for a few teams and it’ll vary week to week.
32. Dolphins- Sell the team to the XFL
31. Bengals- I wanted to move them up because they played well vs the Ravens but that just isn’t how the cookie crumbles. Unlucky.
30. Redskins- Beat the Dolphins by 1. Congrats i guess?
29. Buccaneers- Jameis is one of the worst QBs I have ever seen. Godwin looks promising though
27. Giants- Played well against the Pats. Still a shit team but looked alright.
26. Browns- Should be farther down the list but got lucky that Jameis threw 18 picks. Just another chip on Bakers shoulder I guess.
25. Jets- Darnold recovered from the 7th grade disease and decided to cut up the Cowboys. Also, turns out Dallas is bad.
24. Chargers- If you don’t follow me on Twitter you would have missed that I downgraded the Chargers from fake good to dogshit. I’ll keep you updated.
23. Cardinals- I don’t know why but I love this team
22. Titans- Benched Mariota, which is good but their back up is Tannehill which is bad.
21. Steelers- Who would have thought a QB named Duck would expose the Chargers for me.
19. Jaguars- Minshew magic has run out. When does Big Dick Nick come back??
16. Panthers- Picked up another win and that means Kyle Allen is still undefeated but we’re getting some QB controversy with Cam coming back for the Bye week
15. Lions- Should’ve won Monday but got absolutely screwed. No other way to describe it.
14. Ravens- Have certainly cooled off since the first couple of weeks. Should still win their division.
13. Cowboys- Just when you think you can’t get any lower your house gets hit by an earthquake and you fall much much farther. Didn’t expect that earthquake to be the Jets but here we are
12. Rams- Actually bad? Yeah.
10. Vikings- Huge win. I don’t think Cousins can take you deep in the playoffs but he can certainly throw a ball to you when the defense is 10 yards behind the WRs.
9. Eagles- One of the worst secondaries in the entire league and it isn’t close but keep telling yourself how good you are.
7. Seahawks- Now that we are finally talking about average teams you can’t go down a billion to the Browns I don’t care if you comeback and win the game.
6. Texans- If they can keep Watson alive they are a big threat in the playoffs
4. Packers- I don’t hate paying the refs off. I don’t love it but the games the game
3. Chiefs- I recognize that the Chiefs are probably the 2 seed but like the Pats a few weeks ago they are in time out. Barely beat the Lions then lost to the Colts and Texans both at home. If they didn’t lose the AFC with the loss to the Colts they lost it with this one.
2. 49ers- I am ready to say Jimmy G is probably good but Shanahan is for sure good and that is what really matters. They have a legit defense and 2 solid RBs. The winner of teh NFC West should be the favorite to go to the Super Bowl. Would hate to be the Rams right now.
1. Patriots- Best defense in the league keeps doing what they’re good at. Brady played bad and they still won by 80. If you are in the camp saying the Pats are bad because of who they’ve played then come to Gillette in January and speak your truth babe.