This is an actual think piece put out by ESPN, with quotes from NBA players and executives. The title of the article is:
That’s right–NBA players want you to be concerned about their lack of sleep. I know where you think I’m going to start with my commentary so I’ll just get it out of the way now: Kobe Bryant would NEVER. I’m not sure Kobe even sleeps–he probably just suspends himself upside down like a bat for 3 hours a night working on his next Oscar winning documentary, best selling book or plays for his daughter’s basketball team. I’ve never heard him complain about anything, but he might just start with these fucktards saying lack of sleep is going to be the next CTE.
If your name is mentioned in this article you have to retire immediately, right? I’m sure Lebron is behind this somehow but Tobias Harris better hope Ben Simmons makes a few more 3’s to distract from this story.
FROM HIS STALL in the visitors lockers in Staples Center, Tobias Harris looks around the room. He points at each of his teammates, even the team staffers, one by one, from left to right.
“You ask anybody in the room,” Harris says. “The thing I talk about is sleep.
“I think in a couple years,” he says, “[sleep deprivation] will be an issue that’s talked about, like the NFL with concussions.”
In June Tobias Harris signed a 5 year $180 million dollar contract with Philadelphia. Pay me $180 million and I’ll never sleep again. I’ll just be up all night actually buying all of the things I’ve added to my cart instead of closing out the tab.
Forgive me for breaking out the tiny violin for NBA players here, who still manage to find time for 6 different Insta-thots, their actual wives and children and appearing on Kevin Hart’s video series in the cold tub. Oh Lebron is worried about not getting enough sleep? Maybe stop following perfect booty accounts and just fire up the Pornhub on private browsing and get it over with. I bet your REM cycle will improve then LEBRON. Load management my ass.
Hockey players have to be furious reading this, but I’m sure not surprised. Try sleeping after getting a puck to the face, am I right? SMH
IT’S THE AFTERNOON of Feb. 26, during a three-games-in-four-nights stretch, and Miami Heat center Hassan Whiteside is on a roll. Tomorrow night, his Heat will host the Golden State Warriors, then fly to Houston to face the Rockets on Feb. 28. But now he’s rattling off what time the Warriors game will end (10 p.m.), when they’ll board their flight (11:30 or later), when they’ll land in Houston (2 a.m.) and arrive at the hotel — he figures it’ll be 3 — before playing the Rockets later that day. “And that’s just what we’ve got tomorrow,” he says.
Please, a moment of silence for the terrible working conditions Hassan Whiteside has to endure day in and day out.
Now that we got that out of the way, fuck that guy. I didn’t hear one WNBA player named in this article and the highest paid player makes $163K this year. Hassan Whiteside will make $27 million to sleep as much as a mother of 3.
Don’t get me wrong, sleep is my most precious possession. If I don’t get at least 8 hours a night I will complain about it to any and every one who will listen. That’s why I don’t apply myself. But to compare the NBA’s ‘lack of sleep’ issue to concussions in the NFL is absolutely ludicrous. No one has ever died from lack of sleep, although I bet David Blaine has come close.
The only person who came out of this piece looking somewhat decent is Reggie Jackson, notably groaning hearing Tobias Harris talk about his bedtime one more time. He made sure to get that groan on record so he can show his face in Detroit again.
And as Harris expounds on his favorite topic, Pistons guard Reggie Jackson, dressing in the next stall, shakes his head and groans. Jackson has heard this speech before.