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NFL Power Rankings Week 5 – The Browns Fucking Stink

Eddie

This is going to be Brandeds weekly power ranking and I want to be as clear as anyone can possibly be, I don’t care if you agree or don’t agree. I am going to be as unbiased as I can but please believe me when I say I don’t give a fuck what you think of this list. I’ll do a write up for a few teams and it’ll vary week to week.

I have found that some people don’t understand how these work each week and i want to clarify. I make all of this up at 1 in the morning Monday and it is all correct because I have a tested genius level IQ.  Hope that clears some stuff up.

Click here for week 4.

32. Dolphins

31. Jets

30. Redskins- Just fired their coach, have 4 QBs and they all suck. #SellTheTeam

29. Bengals- Andy Dalton still has a job… lol

28. Giants- It would appear if you were realistic about Daniel Jones (Like me, no big deal) you should know the Giants are awful

27. Cardinals

26. Browns- I’m ready to admit it, I was wrong about the Browns they are fucking awful. All names no chemistry, no actual talent. Bad coaching. Bad, bad and oh yeah super bad.

25. Falcons

24. Buccaneers- Still bad but put up a decent enough fight against a good Saints team

23. Chargers- I would like to officially announce I have upgraded the Chargers from fake good to full blown shitty, I will not be taking any questions at this time

22. Steelers- I don’t know if Mason Rudolph can even spell his name right name

21. Titans- Honestly I should have had them mid teens the entire time but a really good week 1 fucked the entire rankings up. This team stinks and it’s only a matter of time until Mariota is benched

20. Raiders

19. Jaguars- It looks like Minshew magic has left us. Pour one out for the homie

18. Raiders- Not the Bills????

17. Panthers- McCafferey is getting MVP talks which is absolutely wrong but he is putting numbers up and they might not be complete shit just kinda shit

16. Vikings

15. Lions

14. Bears- Literally have no offense. Bold strategy.

13. Bills- Have a very legit defense but Josh Allen is just awful at his job and really doesn’t have too many weapons to work with. Potential wild card team.

12. Rams- Fraud defense

11. Ravens

10. Cowboys- Oh how the great have fallen. I was on this very website defending the Cowboys and their early success against awful teams but apparently I was wrong. This week the line was awful and Dak threw 13 picks and couldn’t hold onto the ball.

9. Texans

8. 49ers- Might be a legit playoff team

7. Colts- Huge win over the Chiefs. Might have a legit defense?? Not sure yet. Mack is a PROBLEM, imagine paying a running back lmao @ Cowboy fans

6. Seahawks- If the season ended today I would argue for Wilson to win the MVP

5. Eagles- Only getting moved down because they had a bye week and the Packers played well

4. Saints

3. Packers- If Rodgers and this defense can play to their full potential they could make it to the Super Bowl but they are both very inconsistent and potential frauds. Also Rodgers is bad and I don’t want you to forget it

2. Chiefs- Just lost home field in the AFC Championship game with that lost. Still much better than 30 other teams but it is all Mahomes. Awful defense and average at best offensive options.

1. Patriots- Pats are back on top after there well deserved time out last week. Won by 30 but honestly had a bad offensive day, Tom hasn’t looked like typical Tom yet but we have the best defense the NFL has ever seen. They cut Ben Watson on Monday and that upset me personally.

@EJS_4

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