Smackdown Just Brought Out Cain Velasquez To Fight Brock Lesnar And Maybe Cain Should Mix In A Crunch



I mean those guys fought literally 8 years ago. Holy shit it looks like Cain Velasquez has been sitting on the couch for the last 8 years and got the call from the Smackdown execs and Dana White two hours before the show he needed to be in California.

This Guy.



The guy looks like a cabbage patch doll. He looks like the guy who works in the bodega on the corner of my block. Am I supposed believe the Guadalajara Pillsbury Doughboy is able to beat up on Brock Lesnar who’s never seen a steroid cycle he didn’t welcome? All the WWE writing in the world isn’t going to make me believe the guy who’s tits are pointing to the North & South Pole at the same time can beat up Lesnar. That ‘Bronx Pride’ tattoo used to sit flush over his chest and is now stretched all the way over his shoulders. It moves each year like it’s early century Pangea.

Can you imagine Velasquez sitting in his dressing room with his shirt off before this bit convincing himself this was a good idea? Do a bicep curl or two for me one time Cain before coming out. Maybe bust out 20-30 pushups to tighten up the titties? I know the camera adds 10 lbs but I didn’t think I was watching through three different lenses.

Supposedly this is setting up for these two to go toe to toe for the WWE Championship sometime in the future. I know Vince McMahon would do anything for a buck, but come on. Make sure we get an EKG on each of their hearts before we trot them out there in the squared circle. Maybe hide the cane sugar from Cain Velasquez. I guess if the Undertaker can still do it a couple times every 365 days at the age of 50 then these two may work out.

Can’t believe this fight was 8 years ago…


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