It’s Time To Politely Ask The Bengals To Leave The NFL

You could have asked me if I think the Bengals should be relegated to the XFL in 2009 and I would have probably said yes, but it didn’t truly feel right in my soul until right now. I’ve had it with the Cincinnati Bengals and the diarrhea football they roll out onto the field each and every week of each and every season. It’s come to the point that we don’t need them. I don’t need the comedic relief of Andy Dalton losing on Wild Card weekend to the Texans one more time. It’s not fun anymore, in fact it’s kind of annoying.

We deserve a fresh storyline. Redheaded quarterback who looks hysterical in an orange uniform doesn’t get the juices flowing like it used to. We’re onto mustaches and jorts. Baker Mayfield vs. Rex Ryan. Andy Dalton’s 15 years of fame are up.

I will not stand for it any longer. Just kick them out of the NFL. Not a single person will care. Have you ever actually met a Bengals fan? If so, would they agree that not having the Bengals in their life would actually improve it? Bengals fans have to be the biggest proponents of removing the Bengals from the NFL. I can’t imagine the Chinese water torture of waking up every week 1 NFL Sunday getting ready to go into battle with Andy Dalton for 16 weeks. If luck goes your way he holds out until the bye before going out for the season with a broken collarbone.

The Bengals entire history is reason why they should be excommunicated. They joined the NFL in 1966 as part of the AFL NFL merger because they needed money to support their team since no one in Cincinnati cared about them. They got alpha’d by the Reds until the mayor felt bad and gave them a “single multi-purpose facility on the dilapidated riverfront section of the city. The new facility had to be ready by the opening of the 1970 NFL season and was officially named Riverfront Stadium.” What a real fucking original name for the stadium. How can you blame the Bengals for being so lame with an origin story like that? Here just take the shithole side of the city and play your stupid game. I don’t know what the great people of Cincinnati care about, but it can’t be football.

The Bengals just lost to the Steelers 27-3 on Monday Night Football, their 9th straight loss against the Steelers as a team. Can’t even prepare enough for a team you play twice a year to sneak out one win in 4 years. I don’t have the time to dig into the research of every bad Bengals stat but trust me they’ve got all the records. Everyone wants to talk about how easy the AFC East is? Give me the Bengals over any of them.

The worst part for the Bengals is that they can never just suck enough to build a good team. There’s no trusting the process, because there is no process. You don’t employ Marvin Lewis for 15 years as part of the plan. There will be no Trevor Lawrence, no Tank for Tua, not even a Daniel Jones available for the Bengals. Just a 32 year old Andy Dalton and AJ Green’s one hamstring.

I’m writing this out of genuine concern for Bengals fans. Look at these poor souls being pushed to their absolute breaking points of mental stability.

Let’s just end it one and for all. For Bengals fans, for NFL fans, for people that have ever had to watch even 6 minutes of a football game at any level. We do not need the Bengals in our lives anymore. Sorry, PETA.


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