I Hate The Swedish Climate Change Kid & Her Bond Villain Accent

You probably have seen clips of this 16 year old Swedish girl going through the car wash at the United Nations or your 6pm news because everyone has a boner for her at the moment. She just scowls the whole time like she’s McKayla Maroney in the 2012 Olympics.


This Sigourney Weaver looking, Bond villain sounding, Swedish hippie is really grinding my gears. Bro, climate change? We’re talking about climate change. That’s are children’s, children’s, children’s problem. When she said ‘You have stolen my dreams and my childhood with your empty words’ re-fucking-lax you’re 16! My dreams were to play in the NBA. But then I became realistic and found that no NBA team needed a 6’5 center that had the athleticism of a baby deer. Go do 16 year old things, live your life! No one’s ever been on their death bed saying, “I wish I spent more time fighting climate change when I was in my teenage years.”

We’re in the beginning of a mass extinction? I need physical evidence affecting my life in Philadelphia to care even 1% about this. Oh my poor beachfront property in Miami or California is eroding into the ocean. Don’t buy beachfront property when your house sits on a cliff or bodies water.

You’re barking up the wrong hemisphere here Thumbum. If you’re so worried about climate change maybe you should take a flight over to China. Tell the dictator over there he’s ruining your life because you can’t breathe in a healthy enough amount of oxygen. He’ll smile at you and next thing you know you’ll end up in a Chinese prison. I heard they’re beautiful this time of year. Probably won’t hear from Gretl ever again.


Listen, when you want to let me know a huge asteroid is hurling towards earth and Harry Stamper and his band of oil drillers aren’t available to save humanity I’ll worry then. But until then I’m going to continue to go about my life pretending like I don’t have a terrible carbon footprint.

P.S. I hate to be the get off my lawn guy, but Gen Z is going to be insufferable.

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