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Hefty Making Bags For Millennials That Say “Tie Me Up” And “Buy Me Tacos And Tell Me I’m Pretty”

BadGalAli

Got suckered right into this one. Bravo to Hefty’s marketing team making these limited edition Trash Talk trash bags. I think we’re now at the point where horrible millennial campaigns are actually good. Anything to trend on Twitter for 14 hours.

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Like me putting on winged eyeliner, Hefty is trying to make sure people see you for more than just trash. When you’re in your 6 year old worn down UGG slippers and a dirty Patriots 2004 AFC Championship sweatshirt, you want the neighbors to see you and think wow, that girl has really got her shit together. Her trash is so…compact. All of a sudden there’s an email posted to the condo message board “did you see that bad bitch in apartment 12 with the witty trash bags?”

Bad news for anyone I just sold on the idea of being the talk of the alleyway, the Hefty Trash Talk limited edition trash bags are sold out! They were being sold online at the website HeftyCostsLessThanGlad.com which is the most insecure URL of all time. Instead, you can look longingly with regret at your neighborhood trash pile to see some of the 20 various sayings:

  • Who you callin’ trash?

  • I’m so trashy

  • You want a piece of me?

  • Bag full of ca$h

  • Feed me tacos and tell me I’m pretty

  • Full of hopes and dreams

  • Burnt Dinners and Takeout containers

  • Hefty! Hefty! Hefty!

  • Feeling like garbage today

  • Cherish your dreams, trash the rest

  • I’ve got 99 problems but trash ain’t one

  • It’s what’s on the inside that counts

  • I’m not a regular bag, I’m a cool bag

  • Swiped left

  • In timeout

  • Same Time Next Week?

  • Oh, this old thing?

  • #goals

  • HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMP

  • Tie me up

To be honest we could have probably gotten away with about 10. Not all of them are Hefty’s best work here.

“Cherish your dreams, trash the rest”???? What is this, Dove dark chocolate? #goals?? Great work by Frank in marketing just using whatever’s on the top selling graphic tshirt from Old Navy. These are trash bags. “In Timeout”? You’re fucking evicted. “Bag full of ca$h?” No it’s actually not. “SWIPED LEFT”??? I’d swipe right faster on an actual trash bag that says “swiped left” than I would some of the trash bags on Tinder.

“I’ve got 99 problems but trash ain’t one” It literally is a problem or else you wouldn’t need a trash bag?

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“I’m so trashy” and “Feeling like garbage today” are clear standouts. Even “Tie me up” works if you’re trying to score a date with the garbage man.

Even just looking at that photo the Hefty bag just stands out. I get what they’re saying here. In a world full of knockoff Target heavy duty brand trash bags with drawstring tops and pumpkin spice lattes….be white and corny and use hashtags.

@aliweitz

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