People Who Are Mad At Kobe For The Way He Coaches A Girls Basketball Team Are Pussies


Seems like everyone online enjoys a little Kobe Bryant roasting from time to time. It’s something that I tolerate and admittedly, it always makes for some good content. Since retiring from the game of basketball, the thing Kobe was born to do, he has won an Emmy, a fucking Oscar, and if his rap career took off the way it should have in the 2000’s he’d be well on his way to an EGOT.

Instead of trying to trademark a culturally appropriated day of the week or creating burner accounts to like big booty hoes on Instagram, Kobe has written books, made movies, had 2 more daughters and focused his mission on crusading for women’s sports. He posted an inspirational message showing the triumph of being passionate about something, failing, working hard and then succeeding.

And all you motherfuckers can talk about is how Kobe was calling out a poor middle school kid for picking a dance recital over basketball even though that has nothing to do with the story. He’s not a high school coach or someone that’s been assigned to coach a random team. I don’t imagine it’s easy to play for Team Kobe. His daughter is a lock for a roster spot obviously but the rest of the girls parents are probably out a lot of money trying to make up for the fact that they’re never home to spend time with them.

If you’re going to be on Kobe’s basketball team and choose a dance recital it’s time to give up your roster spot. You think this doesn’t happen every day in boys hockey camps or on every high school football team? On Edelman’s 100% documentary we saw his father absolutely curb stomp his son every chance he got. And where did that get him? Ultimate psychopath, and also Super Bowl MVP.  Just cause it’s girls and WNBA players get paid shit, people think these girls should just be playing for the fun of it–just to play a fun game with their friends! All this man is trying to do is start a movement for women’s athletics and he’s still not immune to memes.

If you don’t want to be up at 5am working on your three point game Kobe doesn’t want your trash ass on his team. What’s there to be mad at? Find whatever it is that makes you want to wake up at 5am to work on and just fucking do it. That’s Mamba Mentality and now that I put it that way it’s pretty much Nike’s too. And don’t try to say Kobe isn’t about having a diverse portfolio.

Let’s also not act like these girls are 4 years old. Life can’t always be puppies and rainbows and if I could handle the AIM cyberbullying I survived in middle school I think these sixth graders can handle a little lesson from Kobe Bryant.

You think this 16 year old girl is on Instagram worried about Kobe roasting her to ‘the media’? He posted it on social media not as a fucking short film. If he had done that it probably would have won him the Tony. This girl is probably pumped to get a shoutout from Kobe on Instagram. No one would have known who she was without this. If she really wanted to be a dancer instead she’d take this opportunity to  boost her followers and maybe get cast in some music videos. Kobe just made this girls career. If she sucks at dancing now she has a whole bunch of followers she could just start a YouTube.

Guess what everyone? Winning may not be everything but it sure is fucking fun. People say money can’t buy you happiness but the endorphins you get from beating everyone else you are competing against, especially by 88, is the most addictive drug around. Look how happy these girls are after winning because they worked hard and practiced.


It’s okay to be mad when you lose. I wouldn’t know too too much about that, and neither would Kobe, but winning is a grand old time.


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