I Am Still Thinking About The 30 Year Old Australian Punter Who Plays For The Houston Cougars

BadGalAli

Watched my first full CFB game this weekend to support the Oklahoma Sooners in the #Battle4ThePeach contest we’re doing with Game Day Guide. For the most part, the night went pretty perfect for the crimson and cream. Everyone tells me they have a history of a horrible defense but it looked serviceable to get me to the Peach Bowl. Weird seeing a 9 on defense but that kid can ball. Maybe I enjoyed the Oklahoma defense so much because every 3 and out meant another opportunity to discuss Dane Roy, a 30 year old Australian punter for Houston.

Every time, that’s kind of all the information we got. I needed to know more about Dane. How did he get here? How is it possible the NCAA allows 30 year old International students to play? What’s he like at the college parties and how has he not got arrested for providing alcohol to minors?

Turns out Dane was just sitting on the couch, saw a punter on TV and said “I could do that”, and just…did it.

Dane Roy: It was actually a bit of fate. I was in a football club and had a teammate with a brother who was playing at a junior college in California. I had a look at his highlights and I thought, “That’s not so special, I could do that.” ProKick reached out to me and told me about the pathway to get to America, that’s straight to the NFL or with a college team. Then they told me the price tag it came with and I was like, uh, I don’t really have any money, I just bought a house.

Then a couple months later, I won a big kicking competition that ProKick was sponsoring, won that in front of 100,000 people at Australian Football League Grand Final Day, which is like our version of the Super Bowl. So that gave me a pathway in without having to pay full price. I went to America on holiday that I won as part of the prize … and I realized (punting) was something I wanted to do. I met Ray Guy there and he taught me the different punts, a few tricks of the trade of how to keep your body in shape. Then I worked my butt off from December through February trying to get in the best shape and got a call from Houston in that time, offering me a full scholarship.

That’s the whole story. A regular 30 year old man in Australia decided to take up football, practiced for 3 months and got a full scholarship to an American university. But wait, guess what Dane was doing back in Australia? You guessed it, selling ice cream. This has definitely been the plot of a made for TV movie before.

“I had to Google where Houston was,” Roy said.

A year ago, Dane Roy was sitting behind a desk at the Peter’s ice cream factory in suburban Melbourne, Australia.

On any given day, Roy would spend hours on the phone, calling around to “see if anybody needs ice cream delivered.” He jokes that he never actually went door to door selling Maxibons – a popular Australian ice cream sandwich dipped in chocolate and nuts – or drove the truck with the cute music that has children running to the street corner.

“That was the next stage (of the job),” Roy joked.

Turns out Dane is actually pretty hot and cool and his teammates have to hate him for taking all the pussy with an accent like he has, plus he’s tall.

Dane is the self proclaimed “king of the dad jokes” and truthfully that tie joke landed. If you’re going to give us a 30 year old Australian punter this is the type of attitude we want.

LS: Because you’re 6′ 7″, I feel obligated to ask: Why not basketball?

DR: (Laughs) I played basketball as a junior. I played 100-something games. I just don’t like basketball too much. It got too serious. When I went to a game, my dad dropped me off, and I’d get in the gym and look around and the dads were taking the shoes off the kids and putting tape on them and I’m like, “You’re really taking it this serious? We’re not even at a high level!”

Not to mention at this point I’d vote for Dane to be our president.

LS: What’s the weirdest thing about America?

DR: Their love for guns. Everyone loves guns here. They’ve got a love for it that’s just unrivaled. You try to tell people that they don’t need guns, and they get really offended. They’re like, “No, no, I’m protecting myself from other people with guns.” (Laughs.) It’s a controversial subject here.

After Sunday night’s game against the Cougars, I’m definitely happy to have picked Oklahoma in the Battle 4 The Peach. But I’ll

@aliweitz

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