Introducing The New Face Of Clemson Football…

Joey Boats

Okay, so it’s Tuesday and I’m jacked up because, over the weekend, I basically won an all expense-paid trip to the Peach Bowl. Evidently, the higher ups at Branded teamed up with the great and powerful people at Game Day Guide—a sports travel and entertainment service company that provides customers with tickets and travel assistance to select away games—for this fun little competition thing I was destined to dominate.

For the record, here’s the gist of the competition:

Each blogger at Branded will be randomly assigned one of the top 14 ranked college football teams in the country. All season long they will be following along with the action in hopes that their team makes the CFB playoffs. Whomever’s teams play in the Peach Bowl, those two bloggers will be heading down to Atlanta to cover the game and festivities all weekend.

So yeah, the team drawing occurred last Friday night while I was roughly 40 Amstel Lights deep and, as it turns out, I drew Clemson.

Now, as with everything I do, there was controversy. People at Branded (as well as in the Twittersphere) were bitching that it was rigged, moaning shit like “Obviously it was rigged. Boats is the funniest, best-looking, most talented blogger with the biggest dick on the Branded roster. Obviously they would rig the drawing so he’d represent the site.”

Well guess what? Of course Branded probably rigged it. For those keeping score at home, I’m the funniest, best-looking, most talented blogger with the biggest dick on the Branded roster. Why wouldn’t they rig the drawing so I’d represent the site?

I’ll answer that: because they aren’t stupid…

Now I know what you’re thinking: “But Joe, don’t even try to throw this in our faces. You’ve never expressed much interest in college football and, in past blogs, have even admitted you barely follow the NCAA game.”

Well, that’s where you’re wrong…

Among all those other qualities I mentioned, I’m also incredibly humble, which is why I haven’t bragged about my Tigers beating the brakes off Alabama the last two years in the National Championship.

Sure, I could’ve echoed and hollered throughout the hallways of my apartment, spray-painting the complex orange. Sure, I could’ve ripped off five hundred Snapchats featuring a Sierra Nevada resting gently on my coffee table, slightly obscuring the view of a Saturday afternoon Clemson/Florida State barnburner. I could’ve done that, but I’m just too humble.

Now, however, I can no longer sit quietly as my fellow Clemson faithful rejoice. In the name of content, I shall not only transform into one of them, but I shall transform into their leader.

From this day forward, this is the face of Clemson football…

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#RollTide

– Joey Boats (@joey_boats)

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