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The Jake Bailey Era Is Here And Good News: We’re All Going To Be OK

BadGalAli

The only place in the country where the release of a punter can rock a fanbase to its core, the Patriots dropped a Monday evening tweet that they had informed incumbent punter Ryan Allen he would be released.

The thing about us Patriots fans is that we are painstakingly loyal and hypercritical with the highest standards. It reflects well into my personal life, but once we become attached to a player, people of New England are invested. Josh Gordon played in 12 games and I guarantee there’s a Labrador in Massachusetts named Flash. Ryan Allen has played for the Patriots for 7 years and if Roger Goodell didn’t care about what people think so much he would have named him Super Bowl 53 MVP.

If you want to read a Ryan Allen tribute blog, you can read Jerry’s. But if you’re ready to move with me to the Jake Bailey era, let’s do it.

Starting off I don’t need to know that much about Jake Bailey because if there’s any position I value Bill Belichick’s evaluation at most, it’s punter. The fact that Jake Bailey is a right footed punter in itself has me intrigued. What kind of evil genius will he have found this time? What has Ernie Adams seen and why does it make me feel like we’re about to revolutionize the punting game.

I’m sure this type of deductive reasoning is what made the Patriots draft UP to get Jake in the 5th round of the draft.

Jake Bailey is 22 years and went to Stanford. The Patriots cheerleaders have undoubtedly noticed his presence.

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Wedding Season!

A post shared by Jake Bailey (@jakebailey___) on

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white party with the specs⛵️

A post shared by Jake Bailey (@jakebailey___) on

You’re certainly not going to learn about Jake Bailey’s strengths and weaknesses as a punter from me. As long as he can keep it under control and put the ball close to where Matt Slater can make a diving play to down the ball at the 1 yard line as many times as possible, he’s allowed to win a Super Bowl. Ryan Allen has 3, it’s time to spread the wealth among the punter community. If the Patriots offense plays out how it looks right now, he might not even be on the field that much.

Don’t worry, I did the dirty work of going through Jake Bailey’s Instagram and Twitter pages so you don’t have to.

From the looks of it, Jake really, really cares about football. His entire Instagram feed is filled with professional candid shots of him running onto the field or just about to punt a football. It’s exactly the type of content you’d imagine a punter from Stanford that looks like Jake Bailey…

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sophomore year

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ready for whatever lies ahead senior day 2018 john 16:33

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If he has a girlfriend he is keeping her far away from the public spotlight and from the entirety of his Instagram. The only girls pictured are his sister and his mom so either he has an established fall guy or he’s just really that wholesome. That or he has an uncle who is a high powered PR executive and advised him to delete his entire internet history before college. He only “got a Twitter” in November 2018. Certainly no time for MyFace.

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Thanks for coming to visit this week momma😊

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Nothing but some college frat parties and the occasional acne breakouts. This also could just be an outtake from Neighbors (1 or 2).

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The time between lunch and dinner

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Personally he won me over when I discovered he once used the hashtag #MambaDay at even though he couldn’t quite commit to wearing his jersey. I actually kind of respect the hockey jersey.

So for all the Ryan Allen faithfuls, don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened. Pour one out for the 3x Super Bowl champ and homie, and take the day to watch a few highlights. Tomorrow let’s get to supporting our guy Jake until he makes one mistake in week 2 and we have to listen to a week of media coverage crucifying Bill Belichick for releasing Ryan Allen. That marks the true start of Fall in New England.

@aliweitz

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