Antonio Brown Might Be My Favorite Athlete Right Now…

Joey Boats

Okay, so it’s Tuesday and I may make my third attempt at seeing Once Upon A Time In Hollywood tonight so expect a review tomorrow. That said, I have to get something off my chest.

I think I’m starting to love Antonio Brown.

For the record, I’m a genius who shoots from the hip. I have this weird sixth sense about things like this and can definitively claim that I saw this whole “Antonio Brown’s a batshit crazy fucking moron” thing YEARS AGO.

You want to know what did it for me? It was as simple as that postgame locker room Facebook live stream he conducted where you could hear Mike Tomlin calling the Patriots douchebags or something.

The biggest media story out of that situation was obviously Tomlin’s comment, but there was just something about Antonio grinning without breaking eye contact like a fucking idiot that did it for me. He looked like a braindead Cheshire Cat.

It wasn’t until last year that shit hit the fan but now things are just getting prepostorous. I guess Antonio’s refusing to wear the NFL’s newly issued helmets. He also recently did an interview where he just flat out says he could stop playing football whenever he wants. Not great news if you just gave him 30 million dollars guaranteed but that’s just Gruden being Gruden.

And to be honest, I don’t blame Antonio Brown. If you were an organization dumb enough to sign that clown this offseason (and especially at that price tag), then you’re an idiot.

On multiple occasions, I maintained I wouldn’t even take that guy for the league minimum. People’s minds were blown and I have no idea why. The guy has absolutely LOST his mind. The wheel’s spinning but the hampster’s dead.

Now, I’m not one of those “Shut Up and Dribble” guys, but there are certain times where athletes should just shut the fuck up and play.

Antonio Brown is one of these new-age athletes who, because they speak relatively well and are followed by thousands on social media, think they could’ve achieved all that without football.

Like, I’m not saying you shouldn’t have a voice, but just understand you didn’t get to a million views on IG because of your philosophical beliefs. In other words, if Antonio Brown has bricks for hands, he’d most likely be serving ham sandwiches at Arby’s. It’s similar to the rich, douchey kid you hung out with in middle school—like, we’re coming over because you have a pool, dude.

So yeah, this has just become entertainment to me. I hope he doesn’t play another snap in the league and moves to the mountains in Colorado or something and starts a traveling band. Wouldn’t put it past him…

– Joey Boats (@joey_boats)

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