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Barstool’s Uniongate Is Having An Effect on Branded, So I Think It’s Time I Fire Someone

CEO Joe

So as everybody knows, right now the Twitter world is on fire. Dave Portnoy came out and said he’d fire anyone at Barstool if they tried to unionize. Everybody is talking about it, from the Washington Post to the goddamn son of the president. But hey this is 2019.

Now it’s clearly a joke and the people chirping Dave are complete idiots. But for me, this is a serious issue.

While all this is going on I’m trying to enjoy a nice relaxing vacation. A well deserved one if I might add. I’m getting nice and bronze, I played a round of 18 today and I might fuck around and read a book tomorrow. Who knows.

But I picked up my phone after the round (I won by the way) and what do I see. Eddie trying to start a Union. Fucking Eddie. Guy doesn’t event have a functioning light bulb in his house and he wants to start a rebellion? I could understand Boats. He’d do it just for the fun of it but Eddie??!? Kid has been at Branded for an hour. Who does this paaahhhhkkkk the caaaaahhhhh bastard thinks he is?

Now that the idea is in everyone’s brain I’ll have to shut this shit down before I have an entire “I’m Spartacus” situation on my hands. The only way to really make a statement and put all these bastards back in line is to preemptively fire someone. A wise man once said, an once of prevention is worth a pound of cure. The only question is who?

Eddie is the obvious choice, cut that dimly lit Boston bitch and never look back. But I will admittedly say he is all in on the Brand. From the first time I DM’d him he has been all go. So whatever, he lives.

Maybe one of the new guys? Aidan? Dave? Fuck this is hard. Someone needs to be made an example of, but who? I’m going to go back to my red wine (pinkies out) and decide how I’m going to Russian Roulette my bloggers. Maybe I’ll take it to a twitter vote, maybe the lowest clicks this month get cut or maybe I just say screw it and fire Eddie. All I’m saying to the Branded bloggers is, head on a swivel. Keep talking Union and I will shit on your souls.

Ps: Shoutout to the bloggers for crushing clicks while I’m gone so far.

Pps: I’ll still fire all of you and go to Atlanta alone.

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