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Tom Brady Loves Getting His Butt Blasted

BadGalAli

While most people were distracted by the pure sex dripping from the cover of this month’s issue of Men’s Health, little to none seemed to actually read the article.

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I’m not exactly in the market for mens health and fitness tips but always in the market to hang on every word that comes out of Tom Brady’s mouth. Usually it’s “just trying to get better every day” or “pliability”, but in this article it’s all about the butt blaster.

Brady says he tries to get in four or five workouts each week now, including a variety of banded-shoulder exercises—the kind you might see a pitcher pump out in the bullpen. Brady’s favorite piece of equipment: “the butt blaster.” Why? “Because it blasts my butt!” (He says his glutes are his “engine”; “that’s what I need more of.”) –Men’s Health

Just imagining a 42 year old Tom Brady strapping into the Butt Blaster working on those glutes is enough to get all of New England (and beyond) turned on.

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Instead of calling it something like a glute machine or lower body machine, Brady is leaning into the idea of getting his butt blasted. When pressed further about why he loves the butt blaster so much, he gives everyone the answer they least expected from Tom, “because it blasts my butt!!”

Answers like this push me closer to thinking Tom might actually run his own social media accounts. This type of dirty dad humor is so on brand for the publisher of TB Times.

Be interesting to see how many NFL quarterbacks start spending some extra time on the butt blaster this offseason to get to his level. Jameis for sure has been butt blasting for years. Russell Wilson and Ciara probably do couples butt blasting. Philip Rivers? He probably has such a hard time winning in January because of the months of excessive butt blasting.

 

@aliweitz

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