It’s July And We’ve Reached The “Patriots Are Paper Thin At WR” Portion Of The Cycle

For the past 5 years the Patriots have been “dangerously thin at WR”. In their best offensive years, the offense featured Julian Edelman, Danny Amendola, James White and approx. 1/2 of Gronk. They’ve won 3 of the last 5 Super Bowls, and lost in the AFC Championship and the Super Bowl the other years. Bill Belichick has quietly built one of the sneaky best defenses in the league, and he’s done it like 6 times in a row. Don’t even have to mention they held the Rams to 3 points anymore, Kyle Van Noy won’t let anyone forget.

Like clockwork, July rolls around and finally coming down from our Super Bowl high and teased with Edelman’s Showtime 100% special thing, the people of Boston turn their attention to the Patriots. They’ve spent months building up anger towards Kyrie Irving, and have a lot of months complaining about the Red Sox coming up. The Bruins lost in a game 7 and we need ol reliable to come through in the clutch like they always do. Just can’t have that much negativity in a place that’s either in a polar vortex or a heat advisory.

When you’re a team that doesn’t ever have a star name at wide receiver or draft the position well at all, that list tends to always look a little scary on paper. Now that Gronk has Instagrammed the words retirement but so far has not proved otherwise, all prayers lie within a 33 year old Julian Edelman, a first round pick rookie, and Roger Goodell freeing Josh Gordon.

And somehow, someway, Patriots fans still doubt it. The line between “who is Tom Brady even going to throw to?” and “I expect them to be in the Super Bowl” is thinner than Gronk was looking at that charity event.

On Monday it was announced that Edelman had a thumb finger injury and would be out 3 weeks. New Englanders took a break between binge drinking spiked seltzers and writing more hate letters to Kyrie Irving to clutch our collective pearls at the thought of Edelman missing 3 weeks of training camp and preseason.

If Edelman didn’t already have the most fucked up phalanges I might actually join them.


Some people celebrated the injury, saying Edelman breaking his thumb is a good excuse to keep him off the field in say, a preseason game against the Lions into the 2nd quarter.

Julian Edelman’s Thumb Injury is Actually a Good Thing for the Patriots

Edelman’s injury is like when a frontrunner on The Bachelor passes out at a physical date and all the other girls get to spend more time with the guy. It’s good because it gives the new guys a chance to form a real connection, get that QT with Tom. Get invited to the Montana trip, do a few beach resistance band Instagram workouts, have Gisele meet the girlfriend. Now’s the time to barge in and ask “can I steal him for a sec???”

N’Keal Harry better not drop one pass from even Danny Etling or else Felger and Mazz are going to consider him a bust before a real game is even played. If Braxton Berrios returns one punt for a TD people will be crowning him the next EdelWelkerDola of the new generation. It’s a beautiful slot receiver rinse cycle. See you in February (…Gronk).

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