Lala Anthony Is Now The Last Remaining Person To Be Officially #Done With Carmelo

I almost wish some meaningless team had signed Melo to ride the bench weeks ago so we might be finally done with Carmelo Anthony as a storyline. Instead we not only have to hear about the possible addition of Melo to the Lakers every 3 months, but we have to hear about Melo being a shitty husband yet again. Lebron and DWade would be so disappointed, as a father, for the shit Melo has pulled on Lala of all people. Her and Khloe probably have the best time sending memes back and forth on Instagram.

Lala and Carmelo have been married for 14 years and that is a long ass time even for normal people standards. They were the 2000’s Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler, so at this point no one is going to blame them for throwing in the towel like Carmelo has done many times before. Lala can do better, honestly. I see a Blake Griffin hookup in her future.

Hearts across the world shattered in unison when news broke that Carmelo apparently had a baby outside of his marriage to Lala. In 2017, just 24 hours after the split was announced, it is alleged that Carmelo got a stripper pregnant.

TMZ reported that Carmelo had knocked up a stripper around 24 hours after the news of the forward’s marital split became public.

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Sometime after that Lala and Carmelo reconciled. I think I read a headline that Lala was getting a free hall pass in negotiations. In November of last year, baby mama (real name: Mia Burks) called Carmelo out for not defending his son enough on social media comments. Yes, that is correct.

“Her father may not defend her, but I will ‘till the end,” Burks continued. “She didn’t ask to be here, and it doesn’t matter how she got here, she’s here. If you don’t want to see her stay off my page.”

Things had been relatively quiet for the modern family, until Melo was spotted out on a yacht with someone other than Lala, or Mia, but a “married woman” with Melo’s favorite: a huge ass.



Carmelo came out with a long defensive video on TMZ and it was the guiltiest speech anyone has ever heard. This tan, thong wearing married lady was actually on the yacht with her husband and kids during a business meeting, and the photos were taken during one unfortunate looking misinterpreted tanning session. One of the best spin zones of this generation, “these are just really private people” and it’s rude for the blogs to release these photos. He claims it’s the blogs that are “making him look bad” and he’s only making the video because it’s affecting his family. If having to explain this to your 11 year old son is not something you’re thinking about when you are one of the more recognizable basketball players blatantly cheating on your wife after impregnating someone else on the side you aren’t doing it right Carmelo. Stay away from the luxury yachts and at least be in basketball shape. Maybe that’s what Melo was actually upset about in this uninspired rant video.

All of this was just finally enough to push Lala off the edge and in celebrity terms that means seeking legal options and raising public awareness of the fuckboy-ery. Lala has been flaunting her singleness all over social media and I can’t blame her. With the rise of Lizzo and the inception of Hot Girl Summer, you’ve got to spread the message.

Lala went on stage this weekend to assure us that men in fact ain’t shit. While I wholeheartedly agree with this message, it sure sounds like Lala is trying to convince us she is #done with Melo. Also Power season 6 is coming back soon.

One can only hope that the combination of Kris Jenner, Kim Kardashian, Power, and Megan Thee Stallion can get Lala through this. He may be the greatest Olympian of all time but no dick is worth it girl. Not when you have 50 Cent to loan you some money.


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