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by BadGalAli

Double Shot At Love With DJ Pauly D And Vinny FINALE And Reunion Recap: No More Cabs Are Here

Finale night is here, and our queen Maria isn’t. I tried to avoid it but I read spoilers from the reunion and I was excited for this episode. I’m scared people are turning on Pauly a little bit so I want to give him a chance to see for myself.

The morning after Maria is eliminated, everyone is just casually standing around the kitchen talking about it. Vinny is clearly trying to talk himself into the decision he already made because the more he talks about it the more he’s convincing himself it was a bad idea. Makes sense because he apparently tried to hook up with Maria after the show (shocking). More on that later.

We learn the moms are coming to the house. We’ve practically grown up with Vinny’s mom, but I don’t think we’ve ever seen Pauly’s family. I was really hoping we’d see Pauly’s actual daughter before this show was over but I think that cab has passed. I’m surprised we have never seen a fight between the Jersey Shore families at this point. Maybe at The Situation’s televised wedding before he goes to jail.

Pauly’s mom doesn’t say one word this entire night and it pretty much turns into a roast of Elle. When they regroup to discuss, the moms don’t seem to like any of the girls and Vinny’s creepy Uncle Nino likes them all. Alysse is the only one that gets a slightly favorable unanimous review. An announcement is made that tomorrow is the final cab ceremony and everyone gets super emotional. Nikki feels 1000% confident she has it in the bag and I’m scared to see what happens if she doesn’t.

After a brief deliberation, not at the barbershop with a photo gallery of each contestant, the house is spruced up for the final cab ceremony. Vinny’s girls come out first and they are shivering. Their best Fashion Nova wasn’t built for those cold LA nights I guess.

Vinny picks Alysse and Elle is in shambles even though she literally only committed to Vinny 13 hours ago. She had to have seen this from a mile away. Vinny loosely agrees to hang out with Alysse after the show ends, which is a huge commitment.

Nikki and Derynn come out to give their final speeches to Pauly. Nikki professes her love (again) for Pauly and I think it’s apparently at this point this is her first relationship. She said no one knows her as well as Pauly and that she’s never met a guys mom? That’s not exactly stepmom material. Unfortunately, Derynn’s cab is heah and she’s not even crying. She is on her way to eat a tub of ice cream with her cats and I respect the fuck out of it. The recipe for getting over Pauly D.

Nikki is legit cackling thinking that she is about to be on TMZ with Pauly in Vegas. The MTV producers must have done a background check on her because Pauly is all of a sudden freaked out. He’s been hearing all season that she is a crazy, clingy psycho and you wait until the final minute to say you have a problem with it? Even though I was rooting for him to break Nikki’s heart, I don’t like this move from my King.

Reunion:

Months later we are live at the reunion and this is the real tea we are waiting on. The guys are sitting on one side of the set, and all the women are looking real angry on the other side. Even Holly struggled to pull out a smile.

We’re diving right in to the Nikki and Pauly stuff and I think I’m just realizing why Pauly has been single for this whole time. For the first time I’m actually feeling bad for Nikki. During the clips of her and Pauly throughout the show, she is watching at the reunion and crying because “her feelings were real.” Pauly gets called out for blocking her on Instagram after the show because of her constant paragraphs and DM’s. Nikki says he blocked her because she was busy at work and couldn’t talk one day. As much as it pains me to say this, I don’t think Pauly actually wants to be in a relationship with anyone besides himself. There isn’t anything wrong with that, just maybe don’t go on a reality dating competition show, make girls fall in love with you and then dump them.

We move on to Vinny and Alysse, who are being reunited After The Final Rose style and things are not great here either. It appears security is tighter on this show than The Bachelor because these two were not allowed to see each other at all after filming? Even ABC sets The Bachelor/Bachelorette winners to meet up in disguises. You mean to tell me he couldn’t be like Alysse come to Staten Island, wear a wig and a hoodie and take an Uber black car to my house at 2am? No paparazzi has eyes on Vinny that closely that they couldn’t have snuck even a weekend in here and there. Alysse genuinely starts crying because after the show Vinny only texted her for a few weeks and then faded away, which was his exact plan this whole time. He’s trying to dig himself out of this grave by saying he thought he was going to come on this reunion and be finally able to text Alysse if he was “at a lounge” to “come hang out”?? Real girlfriends don’t meet up to hang out at a lounge. Alysse probably already has a new man she’s ready to flaunt on Instagram so she graciously agrees to end it on positive terms. Women are the shit.

We check in with our lady Maria and she gets asked if she’s still cool with Vinny. She says they are just cordial acquaintances who know of each other and Vinny crawls back into his shell.

Maria is on a war path and after footage is shown of Marissa talking shit but being completely right, she starts screaming and challenging her to a fight. Again, security on this show is extremely tight, so the altercation is stopped quickly and we’re on to the next topic.

The rest of the reunion is mostly manufactured bullshit by the show, trying to cause drama between the other girls and showing random clips from the season. I can only pray we will soon learn season 2 has been picked up. Until then, farewell you crazy kids.

@aliweitz

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