Wow…I can’t believe I’m actually here again writing for all you fine ladies and gents. Most of you have absolutely no idea who I am, while the other half saw this and probably thought, “Holy shit! Edgar still writes. I thought he quit or was let go.” That’s a pretty fair thought to have honestly since my last published piece came at the end of last year.
There has been a lot of changes that have taken place over a very short period of time that distracted me from writing for this incredible page, and that’s 100% my fault for allowing myself to be distracted and lose focus. So, you’re not really going to hear excuses from me. In fact, I would like to publicly apologize to every person within Branded for my absence. This team is full of talented writers that are funny as fuck. Seriously don’t think I’ve read an article posted on here that I didn’t enjoy reading.
Now to catch the rest of you up to speed on why I was on a little hiatus for nearly half a year…
Before I share this short story, I just want to mention that I don’t share this to get any sympathy from my readers whatsoever. I don’t need it, nor do I want it. What I want is to share this with you all today in case someone out there reads this and finds similarities going on with them, and maybe it helps them figure something out for themselves. Or maybe you read this and just find it funny. Either way, I share it to entertain and help strangers I’ve never met. I’m all about good vibes so if this helps you understand your life better, or it just provides you 5 minutes of entertainment then I’m happy.
For those of you unfamiliar with some of my previous work, here are some links to some of my more popular posts: Officially Branded, Ball Hog or MVP again, and Should I Dump This Chump….I did up dumping her, but a little more on that later haha.
Now to the good stuff…
So, I guess I’ll start off with when I found this opportunity since it plays a part in my absence. Well, when I first became a writer for Branded, I was beginning a new job during the day as well and it was a decent opportunity to make decent money. I was way more hyped about this blog though. In fact, I joked with my mom that all I needed to find in my life now was a good girl, and ironically enough, I ended up finding a girl who I just clicked with automatically a week later. Life was good and luck seemed to be on my side.
Unfortunately, shit can change rapidly. My uncle ended up passing away a few weeks after I started my new job and that caused me to think about my life and what I was doing with it. I realized that I really didn’t like my job. The people were great, but I just couldn’t slave away doing shit I didn’t like for someone else anymore. I was still writing for the blog at the time, so I decided to quit my other job with the support of a girl I was rather starting to enjoy the company of.
In about a month and a half, I found a new job that I was excited about. Good opportunity and it was in a field I had a growing interest in, although, I was going to be brand new in this field so there was going to be a pretty steep learning curve. I was up for the challenge though. It was around this time that I started to take a break from Branded. I wanted to focus on trying to learn my new role and industry because I saw it adding a lot of value in other things I was trying to do, but there was a second reason that distracted me, and it was something that I wasn’t really aware of until I looked back on it all. That last reason was that I was too busy falling in love with a girl who became something to me that I never had before.
Now, before you go on saying “wtf is this corny shit now” let me tell you that I’m not trying to sound corny, just trying to be honest with what was going on. Like I said earlier, I’m not looking for any sympathy or understanding because shit, this is a terrible reason to have stepped away from my writing for a bit, and I’ll admit that it shouldn’t be used as an excuse. But it was happening, and it was soooo fucking awesome to be in the middle of it. If you know me, then you know I never really do relationships…at all. My longest before this was 2 months in China while I was studying abroad. Met a beautiful girl from Northern Ireland there with the sexiest accent, but that ended since I had to come back home. So, I never really knew what it was like to be with someone you love and have them love you back. If you’ve ever been there, or you are right now, then you know how awesome that feeling is. If I had to describe it, I would compare it to MDMA, or ecstasy for all my drug novices out there. It’s my drug of choice if I’m being honest. It causes you to feel an immense amount of joy in an instant. This feeling that I had growing was like 10 times better than any roll I’ve ever had and rolls only last about 4-5 hours max, this lasted months and it was perfect. One look at me and you could see that I was the happiest I’d ever been, and that was one of my mistakes. I got way too into the relationship and that caused me to stop thinking about other things I was working on. I was really only looking forward to when I could see her next. Again, I’m totally aware of how lame of a reason this is, but I was like in my own little paradise and shit like Lil Nas says, “can’t nobody going to tell me nuhhhthing”.
Well that was until I was let go from my job for poor performance a couple of months later, which in all honesty, I totally deserved. I was being young, dumb, and quite frankly a bit ignorant/immature. I started to slack in my responsibilities, I went to work high, or got high at lunch, and that made it hard to focus while I was there. I was just loving my life so much outside of work at the time that I stopped trying as hard as I was in work. Total childish move, but we all fuck up sometimes. It’s just a matter of if you can learn from your mistakes at that point. Which at that point, I was not. You see for the most part, I know what my flaws are, and I always have. My biggest problem is that I’m my own worst enemy. While most people put blame on others, or don’t take responsibility for their actions. I, on the other-hand, usually put all blame on myself and take full responsibility so when I lost my job, I got really down on myself. I ended up taking a week off at-first for a “mental break”, but really, I was just getting high all day. It wasn’t for pleasure though. I was getting high because it made me look down on myself for being so stupid for letting a good opportunity slip away from me. Weed usually causes me to beat myself up more and I continued to smoke it as a way to inflict pain on myself for being dumb. This wasn’t healthy and I needed to stop doing it. I’ve never told anyone this before I had a talk with my girlfriend about it once. Seriously my best friends and my family had no idea about this. When I talked to her about it, she told me that she used to do the same and man it made me feel like I could trust her with anything.
It took a little over 3 months this time for me to find a new job, and well, let’s just say the longer time went by with no responses to applications, or going out on interviews to not hear anything back, or just lose out on a position to someone else the more down I would get on myself to the point where I was so stressed out about not having work yet that some of my habits changed. I tried to write again for Branded in my free time, but I had severe writers block. I didn’t even know where to start and the rough drafts I made of a few blogs I never felt comfortable with. I thought they were all trash, so I never published any of them. I lost confidence in myself and in my abilities, and that was my second mistake. I allowed life to push me around and get down on myself. I was at a very low point and I started to stress about things I normally never stress about and all of that trickled into my relationship. Time went by and my bank account got lower, and that caused me to operate more through fear than anything else at that point. Fear of not having money to take my girlfriend out, and then fear of not finding a new job anytime soon. I felt terrible that my girlfriend started picking up a lot of tabs. I appreciated it, but I felt I needed to pull my weight more and that made me stress. I was no longer the fun charismatic guy that she had gotten to know the months prior, or really that everyone knew because I’ve always been positive, upbeat, giving, just all about good vibes. I was now this worrisome shell of that guy. I didn’t even know who I was at that time, and that’s what caused things to go south quicker.
Towards the end of May, a few days after celebrating her birthday no less, she ended up cheating on me with a guy she had cheated on her previous boyfriend with before me while this guy was also cheating on his girlfriend at the time so maybe the two of them deserve each other. I don’t know. That’s not for me to figure out anymore, and to be honest, I can’t really blame her. I’m not justifying what she did at all because that was a very shitty way to handle the situation, and I did nothing to deserve that since I tried treating her like a queen. Sometimes we have to be a bit of a softy for the woman we love. The respectful thing to have done though would be to talk to your significant other about the issues you are having and go your separate ways if you could not work on them, not go running off to the next option that presents itself especially if you ever cared for a person the way she said she cared for me. But like I said earlier, I can’t really blame her. Like Lil Wayne said, “had my heart broken by this woman named Tammy. But hoes gon’ be hoes, so I couldn’t blame Tammy.” I’m not even trying to be rude by calling her a hoe, but if you could’ve heard most of the stuff she said at the end then you would know there was some definite hoe shit said. I’ll share just one for the sake of avoiding arguments. She at one point said “I think I’m just attracted to the bad” …seriously? LOL first of all, I had been “bad”. There were plenty of times where we got hot in her house WITH HER ENTIRE FAMILY IN THE HOUSE. That’s just a small example. The bad she was obviously referring to at this point was “I like to cheat, and I like going back to people who lie to my face and screw me over.” But to each their own. As I mentioned earlier, I was at a very low point in my life, struggling to find a direction. I was working on it and thought I had a great woman at my side, but I can see how unattractive that shit is. She lost faith or hope in me/us, whatever you want to say. The point is people will love you until they don’t anymore. It’s nature that makes people flock to whatever they think is a better option at the time. Unconditional love only exists with the woman who brought you into this world, and some people aren’t even lucky enough to experience that.
Now you might be thinking at this point, “well if she cheated on her previous boyfriend with the same dude, you’re just a dumbass for dating her”. To that I say shove it….naaa, I’m just kidding. You probably have a valid point there. Maybe I was being a little naïve at the time, but I tend not to judge people on their previous mistakes. I judge them on how they are to me. Don’t get me wrong, I did have my reservations at first since she actually had cheated on both boyfriends before me and I didn’t want to make her 3 for 3…even though she did end up 3 for 3. All the time I was getting to know her though, she was only showing me how great of a person she was, or I at least thought she was. So, I took that leap of faith and made her my girlfriend and I don’t regret a single minute of it. She was the first of a lot of things for me since I was so new into actual dating and I’ll cherish a lot of those memories for a long time, and I appreciate things I’ve learned from it all. In fact, her cheating on me was probably the best thing that could’ve happened to me.
Let me get one thing straight before wrapping this up, I’m not writing this to get back with her AT ALL. She left me for another dude and lied to my face repeatedly. That’s extremely difficult to ever go back to for most people, if at all. I’m more on the ‘if at all’ side. Besides if she ever reads this, the only thing she would feel is probably anger for discussing this on a public site. Luckily though 99.9% of you have no idea who she is anyway so she probably wouldn’t feel anything, or even read this all together because when a girl isn’t fucking with you anymore, she’s just not fucking with you anymore. There are many things she said after everything that helped to confirm this thought. Now I briefly mentioned that the reason I shared all this was in case anyone out there reading this can find any value in the things I’ve learned. Well I learned a lot from all this. I learned that I was still immature in a lot of ways allowing life to push me around and cause me to get down on myself and lose my drive in the things that I was working towards and trying to create for myself. Life is our greatest teacher. We all go through our own shit and some go through worse than others, but whenever you’re going through a rough time it’s just life trying to teach you a lesson. Some of us learn the lesson and evolve into better people, while other’s succumb to life’s beating and never learn and continue to get pushed around blaming other things and people for our misfortune. DON’T BE THIS PERSON. Our lives are a reflection of our thoughts. If you don’t like what’s going on in your life stop looking at others and look at yourself and learn what YOU can do better because life will get so much better at that point. When she first told me she cheated on me, I was officially in rock bottom for a little over 2 weeks until I picked up a book and started to expand my mind. Our mind is the most powerful thing about us. Now, I know most of you have probably heard all of this before in some self-help or motivation class, book, speaker, whatever. But it’s true. Every day is a school day, and every day you should be working to evolve your mind. Darwinian evolution is still a thing, but even though we are not evolving as rapidly biologically, we have to be consistently evolving our minds and ourselves. For it is those that take on challenges and struggles as an opportunity to learn and evolve that advance through life.
I also learned that I got too into my relationship to the point where I was just focusing on that especially when I felt like other parts of my life were slipping away. I felt as long as my relationship was good that everything else would work out, and I shouldn’t have put that pressure or stress on anyone else. It was up to me to get everything back on track and make everything better for myself because then everything else would’ve worked itself out. It took me about 2 weeks to officially pull myself out of the hole I had dug myself and through rock bottom I changed, this time for the better. I’m not perfect all of a sudden, but I am much more aware of what I am doing and feeling. One thing she told me at the end really stuck with me and caused me to think long and hard and that was, “I know his 6 month plan, he’s year plan” At the time I found this to be bullshit because I had always talked to her about what my master plan was, and at one point I told her I knew what I was working towards. At the time it was a future with her because I did see one and I wanted to make it happen, but as I talked about earlier, in that 3-month period of struggle in my life I lost my direction. It didn’t look like I was going anywhere so I can’t blame her for not seeing it anymore. It was hard for me to see past the immediate struggle I was in, but oh boy did I ever get things back on track now. As I stated earlier, her cheating on me was probably the best thing that ever happened to me and that is because it was the punch to the gut/kick in the balls that I needed to flip that switch inside me and cause me to GROW UP. I put everything back on track in full acceleration working for my family, both current and the future one I saw with whoever that is with now. The job I currently have turned out to be way better than I expected, and I now make more than I ever have. I finally started my own business, which I had been tossing around as an idea for nearly a year, but officially decided to take MASSIVE ACTION, make some ROUGH DRAFT MOVES, and more importantly just FUCKING DO.
I fully expect my business to succeed and become very profitable within the next couple of years. It’s already proving to have great returns so I’m excited to see it continue to grow. If I could explain the future I see with it then everyone would probably want to do it, but I’m going to establish myself with it first and then I will gladly teach others how to do the same thing. I believe we all have the potential to make something great for ourselves and I enjoy helping others and bringing joy to their lives so when I build up more credibility, I will give back to others. I believe in the law of attraction or reciprocity, if you prefer. In order to receive, you must first give. Do onto others what you would like done onto you. All of that stuff I firmly believe in and that’s why I write this here today. It’s not for my benefit. I’ve learned my lessons and I grew from them so if I can help someone else at this point then the purpose of this post was achieved, and I’ll be glad. One important thing to remember before I leave you is that even when you set your mind to something and you devote yourself to making it happen, you WILL still encounter challenges and struggles, but don’t let them deter you from your goal. It’s just another opportunity to learn and evolve. The ones who succeed are the ones who didn’t run when things get hard but perservered through it. I may be talking like everything is going to be smooth sailing from here, but I’m better prepared for challenges now than I have ever been. In fact, I welcome challenges now because I know that I am only going to come out better at the end of it. I’m not saying that I’m perfect either because I still slip up and have my emotions get the best of me, but that’s an ongoing evolution. One that I have become much better at recognizing when that happens and correct it much easier. There will be a time, and I feel it coming soon, where my emotions won’t make my decisions, but instead guide me to make more thoughtful reactions. Just remember to always be working on improving yourself and many blessings will start to show themselves to you.
If you want to see the journey, or start to hear my sports opinions because those are coming, then give me a follow on Instagram (edgar.a.diaz.57), or Twitter (@eadiaz57).
Keep crushing it guys. Remain a savage.