Stop Me If You Heard This Before: Deadspin Gets Triggered Over Nothing

Shocking, I know. To think that the “cool kids of the internet” would ever let something bother them. Especially something so incredibly pointless like the statement: ‘being raised by both of your parents is a good thing.’ It’s purely mind blowing. Lost? Here’s what happened.

Zion Williamson was drafted 1st overall last night (spoiler?), and as he was walking off the stage, Chauncey Billups said the following:

In short, this is what Billups was basically saying: Clearly Zion comes from a healthy family structure with both parents and that’s a good thing.

Like the rest of the world, I didn’t find anything wrong with this and honestly, didn’t even hear it. Why you ask? Because it’s one of those, ‘yeah duh,’ points. Having both parents is better than having just one. Yeah, no fucking shit Chauncey. That is about all the attention those comments deserved.

Well apparently not to Gabe Fernandez of Deadspin. He took offense to the statement and thought it needed a good talking out.

Deadspin: “Before Zion could get on the mic, Billups decided to throw in one extra compliment to the former Duke player’s personality as a team player. He said that Zion was “raised right” because he had “two parents in his home.”

The clear implications of Billups’s statement is that players who did not have two parents in the home—like, for example, fourth-overall draft pick De’Andre Hunter—were not raised right. That implied point is further driven home with the next sentence being about discipline.

One would think there’d still be so many different things to talk about with Zion Williamson given the constant media attention he’s gotten over the past year or so, but I suppose these kind of bullshit character assessments are a fine substitute for basic inoffensive commentary.”

Beginning to think that everyone that works at Deadspin is just an internet troll at this point. I don’t want to make any assumptions, so I won’t guess that Gabe came from a single parent household and finds this statement a direct shot at him. Would that be a pretty logically guess? Yes, but I’m not going to assume anything. But for the sake of playing devil’s advocate, let’s say someone other than Gabe did come from a single parent household. That someone was making this argument because that’s how ‘butter on an August afternoon’ soft they are. We can name them something random like, ummmm, Fabe Gernandez.

Here is what I would say to Fabe. First off, stop being so offended about everything. You’re an exhausting human to interact with. Maybe try being a big boy and realize that the world is big. Sometimes people in it are going to say things you disagree with and, hang on tight for this… that’s ok.

Second thing I would say to this made up person would be, are you doomed to be a big piece of shit if you are raised by only one parent? No. Is it better to have both parents in your life? Yes. Chauncey isn’t reinventing the wheel here. Also, speaking as a person that went through life without parents, it would have been pretty sweet to have them. But that’s the way the cookie crumbles sometimes.

That’s what I’d say to Fabe, but not Gabe, because unlike Gabe, I wouldn’t assume something about another human being I’ve never met. You keep doing you, Deadspin. This is example #17218607 why you’re just a place where ideas go to cry.

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