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One Of The Duggar Kids Is Giving Tips For Keeping It Spicy In The Bedroom And Everyone Should Take Notes

BadGalAli

The crazy huge and completely unnecessary family that lives in the middle of nowhere with their millions of children (are we still counting?), the Duggars, are getting to an age where they are doing their own E! News articles about keeping your sex life alive.

5 year sex veterans Jill Duggar and her husband Derick are clearly experts on keeping things hot. Just like the couple in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, these two have been getting it on like rabbits, and Jill fired up the ol family blog to pen the enlightening More Than Sex: How To Love Your Husband.

-Have sex often! You both need this time together regularly (3-4 times a week is a good start. lol). And when you may not be able to actually have intercourse for a period of time or for health issues, find other ways to have fun and be intimate. Let your spouse know that you’re aways available. Guard against fulfilling sexual desires alone. Be open with your spouse about your desires and change things up to keep it exciting! (Philippians 2:3-4; 1 Corinthians 7:5) If you’re struggling with sex with your spouse, GET HELP! See a doctor and/or licensed counselor and don’t be afraid to get second opinions!

The first tip in the 2,489 word blog sounds like pretty good advice. She even cites specific bible verses in MLA format. Does the Bible have stipulations on a healthy sex life? Why don’t we talk about that more?

-Look nice for him. It’s easy to get home and throw on the frumpy pjs and wash your makeup off, but make sure that a few times a week you enjoy time together looking like you would hanging out when you were dating! Plus, even if you work from home, just getting fixed up in the morning can give you a boost to your day!

As the list goes on I wonder if I’ll ever have what it takes to be in a marriage where we still have sex. I’m not about to sacrifice a healthy skin care routine just to keep things hot in the bedroom. That’s literally the only point of entering into a relationship. Someone to hang out with in pajamas with no makeup. If that’s not on the table, I don’t see the point.

-Go to bed fresh! It’s easy to just want to shower in the morning to wake ourselves up, but showering in the evening (and sometimes before he gets home if you arrive home before him!), and even putting on fragrant lotion in front of him can be another way to say “I care” and “you’re important to me,” and lets him know you’re up for fun whenever he is.

As a firm shower-at-night supporter, I have no problem with this suggestion. Moisturize people. But “up for fun whenever he is” seems kind of broad. The word whenever is a little to committal for my liking. Sometimes a girl just needs to do a face mask and go to sleep.

-Don’t gossip or name call, even if joking. Be careful not to speak down about one another to each other and/or in the company of others! My parents have been good examples of this to us kids. They would say that “put-downs can plant seeds for divorce in the future”! Beware and ask your spouse to point out to you if you slip up! This can be an easy trap to fall into, especially if you’re hanging out with people and they’re all telling stories or making jokes about their spouses. “If you can’t say somethin’ nice, don’t say anything at all!” (Thumper from Bambi)

Oh, I’m so fucked. If my future husband can’t stand my constant trolling he’s never getting laid. My plan is to roast the fuck out of my husband. Can’t wait to find his biggest weakness and exploit it for public ridicule. And wtf we’re quoting Bambi now?!

-Call him by a fun or sweet name! Save his name/contact in your phone with a sweet name and don’t forget to use emojis! 😉

I feel like Jill could have been a little more specific about the emoji recommendation here. Without clearly spelling out how many emojis and which emojis to use you might end up creating an emoji monster. You need to have diversity in your texting portfolio. Emojis, Bitmoji’s, emphasizing a funny joke with those two exclamation points, throwing in a confetti effect every once in a while. That’s how you really keep things hot in a relationship.

Also if I was ever in the car with one of my friends and their husband called and it popped up as like “Love of my life <3” or “Soulmate” I would make them pull over and let me out, Bridesmaids style.

-Remember, your husband is not your dad. You are teammates and he is your God-given protector. Keep this in mind and let it shape the way you relate.

Is this something people have trouble with??

-Give at least a 6 second kiss when coming and going. 

I’m not just going to blindly follow these rules without more reasoning and explanation. Do you have any scientific research to explain why 6 seconds is the magic number? Seems like it takes the passion out of it when you’re counting to 6 in your head.

-Get new lingerie (online is an easy way to buy!) as a surprise gift for birthdays, holidays, vacations or whenever!

Was this posted as advice for 80 year old couples looking for a spark? We know how to online shop, Jill. I don’t know if she had a word quota on this one but this is a bottom of the barrel suggestion. Every Google search would say getting lingerie as the number one way to keep your marriage hot. Give us something we haven’t heard before.

Honestly this list was long it makes marriage sound like a chore. There are so many rules and regulations that I just don’t know if it seems worth it. Sure you get to have sex 3-4 times a week but

@aliweitz

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