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Hill I’ll Die On: The Beatles Are The Most Overrated Thing Ever

CEO Joe

Welcome to the newest blog segment from Branded, Hill I’ll Die On. Plenty of hot takes and opinions out there. These are my thoughts I’m willing to fight tooth and nail over. Think of it like Crowder’s Change My Mind videos, the only difference is that you will not be able to change my mind ever for any reason.

I figured for the first one we’d start with one of my strongest HIDO. The Beatles are the most overrated thing in the human history. Yup, everything that has ever existed pales in comparison to the level of overrated-ness as the Beatles. Everyone and their mother says the same shit about them. “They are the greatest band ever!” “They changed music.” “They are timeless.” Blah blah blah. First and foremost, they aren’t the greatest band ever. Not even close.

Everyone of their songs is like 4 cords. Blink-182 is more talented than these guys and one of their band members thinks he can talk to fucking aliens.

Don’t believe me? Here’s some sheet music from a Beatles song.

beat.PNG

I literally could learn to play this song on any instrument in 4 and a half minutes. So from a pure musical talent standpoint, they are more basic than a girl named Mandy waiting in line at Starbucks in her new Lululemon pants. I’m not even close to kidding when I say this… every high school in America has kids more musically gifted than the Beatles.

And timeless???? Nobody is listening to the Beatles in 2019. How are we supposed to listen to ‘Let It Be’ when Beibs is putting out banger after banger.

Now on to this whole “they changed music” thing. How? Because they were the most famous people in the world at the time? Kim Kardashian has 140 MILLION instagram followers. To put that in perspective, that means she has more followers than there are people in all of Mexico. Paul McCartney, on the other hand, has 2.5 million. Paul can’t sniff Kimmy K.

And Beatles faithful will say back in the 60’s when they debuted, there was something like 60 million people that watched it on tv. You know why? Because there wasn’t anything else to watch. There were 4 god damn channels. If they debuted today the same night as a Game Of Thrones episode, not a single person would have any idea who the Beatles are. “Hey you see that band play Hey Jude last night?”

“Are you insane? Jon Snow murdered Dany and Bran is king. What fucking band are you talking about?”

Then I heard something about they started the whole double track flanger shit. But one google search of “Beatles Flanger” annnnnnnnd you get this:

“While the artificial double tracking effect popularly known as the flanger was actually invented by Les Paul in his garage and used on his tune “Mammy’s Boogie” in 1952, it was the Beatles who named it.”

Sick, you named something that was already a thing. You guys are so innovative. Think I’m going to start calling hamburgers sausage sammies. Look at me, I’ve changed food forever.

Lastly, people love to compare the Beatles to the Rolling Stones. It’s not even close, Stones 10000000%. Next time you have someone debating that the Beatles are better, ask them this. “Who’s still around?” If you bought two cars in the 60’s, and one worked for a little bit, while the other is still fucking driving with a million miles – that’s the better car.

Off the top of my head, here are bands that are better than the Beatles:

Dave Matthews

Rolling Stones

Queen

Bob Dylan

Led Zeppelin

The Chainsmokers

Everyone making music in the 90’s

Ja Rule

That enough? I can keep going.

So in conclusion, if you like the Beatles, awesome. Go listen to Abby Road and take a nap. But just know they aren’t the greatest band of all time. They aren’t the most important thing to happen to music ever. They were a decent band that made ok music at a time when great music wasn’t being made.

I’m CEO Joe and that’s my Ted Talk

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