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The ‘I Hate Sports’ Bachelorette Recap: Episode 2

Week 2 of The Bachelorette is now in the books. This means it’s been officially one week since Kawhi Leonard ripped the beating heart out of my body after his 92nd bounce on the rim. If you missed my review last week, I am now watching reality TV because I’m a die hard Sixers fan who has nothing else to live for until June 30th. I take solace in the fact the Warriors reminded us we are all competing for second place anyways.

Now, to a competition that is actually up in the air. The Bachelorette, baby.

EPISODE IMPRESSIONS:

I hate this show so much and I miss sports. I miss the Sixers so much. I miss Jimmy in the 4th, I miss JJ Redick’s off-balance three pointers. I’m just lost out here in the world of the Bachelorette. This will probably be my impression every week. Now to the episode:

Cam is a psychopath. Let’s just get that out there. He showed up at a group date he wasn’t invited on. He infiltrated another date and made it his own and tried to emasculate another contestant with checks notes. He was the last to get a rose (woah, shocking dramatic effect) and he looked like he was in tears. I’m afraid if he doesn’t win, he will kidnap and or murder this poor girl and this will turn into Law and Order: SVU. Also he dresses like a nerd. Aside from his shenanigans, there wasn’t much drama.

FAVORITES TO WIN:

Luke P looks like American Pharoah in the triple crown races last year. That guy has gone all in from minute one. By episode two he had already confessed he was falling in love with Hannah during a drag show all the guys competed in. She eats up everything This Luke guy is saying, as corny as it is. At one point they were basically dry humping with Luke’s shirt off (more on that later). I guess Jed and Tyler G have a chance. But, it’s just Luke vs himself at this point. It’s a tough battle between Luke being hot enough that Hannah doesn’t care that he’s an obsessive weirdo vs Luke imploding because another guy got to hold her hand that wasn’t him.

BEST SCENE:

Loved the anxiety Hannah gave America when she went 4 wheeling in the mud in an all-white outfit. She went on her individual date Tyler G and while the date itself wasn’t interesting, she essentially dripped herself head to toe in mud because “life is messy”. Her destroying her clothes were definitely a nails on the chalkboard type of cringe moment for those of us who still live and die by the racks at TJ Max. 

BIGGEST HEARTBREAK:

 As I mentioned, Tyler G went on an indivisible date with Hannah. He got a rose before the ceremony. He wanted to tel Hannah how much it meant to him once he got back. While doing that, he stumbles upon Hannah all but fucking Luke P who has his shirt off. The look of absolutely dismay on that boy Tyler’s face when he sees that is the look I had when Kawhi’s shit went in and I had the idea to start this blog series in the first place. He says, “what do we have here?” like a heartbroken dad who caught his daughter giving her first hand job to her high school sweetheart in the basement. That poor guy. 

 

Episode 2 in the books. Would like to thank the Warriors for reminding me that this was all a silver medal race to begin with. It makes me feel a lot better about watch The Bachelorette instead of the NBA Playoffs. 

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