Brooks Koepka Is A Plant To Get Me Into Golf

For 30 years of my life I have managed to distance myself from the game of golf, mostly as the last remaining way to let my dad down. I’ve have 2 degrees, bought a condo and support myself and me going out to play a few holes is his only true wish for my future. As a true Tiger guy, he’s got to be real disappointed that the one guy who is enough to get me to care about golf is Brooks Koepka. Mentioning he is a Lakers fan and real Kobe guy is just the tip of the iceberg.

My favorite part about Brooks Koepka is that even he doesn’t care about golf. A few days before winning another tournament I know nothing about, Brooks went on Pardon My Take and silenced all his haters with how little fucks he gives about really anything. Nothing turns me on more than complete indifference. People who care are the worsttttttt.

I’ve proclaimed my love for Brooks since at least April and women everywhere are finally starting to catch on.

Brooks isn’t just Instagram hot either, he’s winning the hearts of moms everywhere too.

Sure, Tiger winning whatever tournament he just won shut down guy Twitter but if there’s one thing you notice there are not a whole lot of women who support him. Maybe it’s the sex addiction, mug shot or the bald spot, Tiger doesn’t do it for us. If the golf industry wants to continue past Tiger’s back breaking in half, some changes need to happen. We can’t just have a bunch of 5’8 130 pound nerds out there in polos and visors playing with the other end of the spectrum, a group of old rich white guys who might as well be Alabama senators. We need a little drama, a little messiness and a new face. Preferably this one:

Screen Shot 2019-05-19 at 11.38.43 PM.png

The golf media hasn’t exactly treated Brooks like the face of the future despite the fact that he just won his 4th major under the age of 30–something I saw on Twitter that made me feel extremely old and unaccomplished. Perhaps adult men are afraid to admit how fucking cool Brooks is all around. Whatever the over under is on Brooks taking on the entire attendance of any golf tournament, give me Brooks. The first golfer to ever lift a weight, Brooks brings a whole new meaning to the golf pant. Can we bring ESPN the Magazine back just to get Brooks in the Body Issue?

I don’t like sports exclusively for the hot guys but if they’re there what’s the harm in looking. It doesn’t make me any less of a sports fan, and any guy that thinks so would probably make out with Brooks too if given the opportunity.

And if you want more of us to care about golf, we’re going to need some drama. We stan an internet star. We need viral videos and hashtags, and Brooks gives us all of that too. Rejecting a kiss from your hot Instagram model gf on multiple occasions? Sweep me off my feet.

Starting a new #guccibrah movement? Makes me feel like I might not be that out of place at an actual golf tournament getting to act mildly drunk and belligerent with no real consequences.

Whatever the butterfly effect was that led Brooks Koepka to become the #1 golfer in the world, whoever runs golf needs to embrace it. Put his face all over the promos, make Gucci Brah tshirts, get his girlfriend on Bravo. The way to getting more women into golf is in Brooks Koepka’s hands. And so am I.



0 0 votes
Article Rating

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

1 Comment
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments

[…] thirst traps on Instagram, I’m the biggest Brooks Koepka fan girl around. Convinced he is a plant by my dad to get me to care about golf, we’re all lucky to have Brooks to get us through the tough summer months without football or […]