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Good Riddance…

Joey Boats

Alright guys, I’m going to keep this short and concise. It’s currently 4:34 AM and I’m slouched in the driver seat of my car, blasting Jefferson Starship in a vacant, dimly-lit parking lot before work. Even worse, the Celtics have been eliminated from the playoffs yet again.

For the record, getting eliminated from the playoffs is nothing to be ashamed of; however, the manner in which you get eliminated can be. And yeah, the Celtics got scrubbed in a BIG way.

I don’t want to brag and claim I was right. I don’t want to post the link to a blog I wrote midseason about how I was “done” with Kyrie. I don’t want to talk about how I got dragged through the mud on Twitter by a bunch of fucking morons about how I’m ungrateful, so I won’t; instead, I’ll talk about what it means to be ungrateful…

Listen, I understand Boston sports fans are spoiled. I realize that, whenever we complain about our sports teams, every other fanbase gives us that same look your girlfriend gives you when you admit you thought Hocus Pocus was a steaming pile of shit movie. That’s fine…

However, is it too much to ask your franchise player to commit to the franchise?

This entire season has been a rollercoaster of bullshit. I’ve had to watch as the Eastern Conference preseason favorite spiraled into a 4-seed, only to get their doors blown off 9 games earlier than they did last year without their guns on the floor.

So yeah, Kyrie’s done, and I don’t think it’s even his decision anymore. I don’t want to sound like I’m deepthroating the Boston sports’ fanbase right now, but one of the things that comes with watching so much success is knowing what it takes to repeat it.

Boston fans can generally sniff out when something isn’t working before it fails. When a guy gives off the impression he doesn’t want to be here, we don’t fluff his pillow and upgrade his accomodations; we drive him out. It’s sort of this whole “If you don’t like us than fuck you” narrative.

And BELIEVE ME, if you want to see what Boston does best today, all you need to do is turn that radio dial to the sports talk broadcast of your preference, because you’re guaranteed to hear an absolute FLOOD of “fuck kyrie” calls from the likes of Sully in Charlestown or Mark in Dorchester.

Simply put, people will remember this team for what it was: an unbelievable collection of talent and depth—spearheaded by some narcissistic punk—who just couldn’t take a punch when it mattered. Giannis dragged his nuts all over this team throughout the series and I can definitively claim the 2019 Celtics are the most unlikeable Boston sports team since the “Chicken and Beer” Red Sox back in 2011. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out…

P.S. Hayward BLOWS too. He’s had two full years to recover from that leg injury. The only thing preventing him from being the ass of this article is the fact Kyrie was such a flaming douche this year.

– Joey Boats (@joey_boats)

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