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My Official Statement On The Sixers

CEO Joe

Please note, this is the only time I will be addressing this game from now until the end of time. Once I’m finished writing this that’s it. On to game 6.

Welp, last night was a kick straight in the dick. Sixers laid the biggest stinker I’ve ever seen from this squad. You hate to agree with Nick Wright ever about anything but he was 100% correct. They were awful in all phases of the game.

Ben and Joel combined for 8 buckets and 13 turnover, not great. As a team 6 for 24 from beyond the arc, also bad. Not one single player had a defensive rating under 115, real bad. I had to watch highlights (lowlights?) of the fourth quarter because I couldn’t bare anymore of this game with about 3 minutes left in the third. They were flat from the jump and game 4 is going to haunt this team all offseason if they don’t win this series.

In Philly with a chance to go up 3-1 and they were lifeless in the fourth of that game. Just one of Joel, Ben or Tobias step up and they close out that game. Raptors would have been the ones ready to call it season last night. Unfortunately that didn’t happen and they carried that lack of momentum over to last night’s game and might as well just stayed home to prep for Thursday.

Now hear me out. They are winning game 6. Not a doubt in my mind. Joel has been sick the last two games. Don’t ask me or Jimmy Butler why but he has been.

I believe there is no way that he in’t feeling better come tomorrow. Do I think he will be game 3 better? No but we don’t need him to be that good, just not this bad. Last night Jo-Jo looked liked he’d rather be anywhere else on the planet than in that game. If he brings half of what he brought game 3 the Sixers will be fine.

The man that needs to step up is Ben. He’s my favorite player in the world but I need more from the Prince We Were Promised. Last night 5 total shots and only 1 free throw attempt. Those numbers just won’t work for this team to be successful. Simmons needs to get to the hoop early and often tomorrow night. Even if Ben goes 0-20 but all 20 attempts are at the rim we’ll be happier than watching him play scared. Simmons should be getting 10-15 attempts at the charity stripe every game. That will tell us if he is getting aggressive or not.

And for all the “trade Ben Simmons” people out there. Go get bent. The guy is one jump shot away from being the Greek Freak but with better passing skills. Wanting to trade the guy is so insane and such a Negadelphia thing to say. The kid and people forget that he’s a kid, only 22 years old, has so much time develop. 7 years to develop a jump shot before he even hits 30. Now if it takes him 7 years Philadelphia will burn to the ground but just saying there is time.

And can we give a quick shout out to Jimmy Buckets. The man everyone called a cancer to the locker is basically willing this team every night. Poor guy, dropped the two schmucks in Minnesota and now he is dealing with this shit storm. The rest of the squad needs to get something going. If not for Philadelphia and self respect, at least for Jimmy.

So in conclusion Sixers will bounce back tomorrow and force a game 7. Can they win a game 7 in Toronto? I’m not sure but I think they’ll get their shot. If Embiid is healthy anything can happen. All I know is if I have to watch Drake celebrate moving on to the ECF tomorrow night I might launch my tv into orbit. Never understood people that destroy their TVs but last night I was starting to get it. Almost put a Dogfish 90 minute through the wall. OTTNO

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