The Worst (Or Maybe Best) *High* Fashion Outfits From The Met Gala

The Met Gala is always a clusterfuck of *fashion*. All bets are off when you give celebrities a theme. When I first heard this years theme was ‘camp’ I truthfully thought it was like smores and counselor vibes. Even more confused when I actually looked into what the camp theme meant, secretly disappointed that we wouldn’t get to see Rihanna in a Girl Scout vest.

“its love of the unnatural, of artifice and exaggeration.” Noting that with camp, it’s not about talking in “terms of beauty” but rather “in terms of the degree of artifice, of stylization.”

The problem with the Met Gala is no one wants to see beautiful dresses and loose beach waves. We want to see head pieces, meat dresses and a few outfits we can’t tell if they are serious or intentionally dumb to go viral. Some of these looks took a few minutes to fully process and in some cases impossible to tell if that’s in a good or bad way.

You know it’s going to be a long night when Miley Cyrus is on the best dressed list looking actually hot again.

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Right out of the gate we had Harry Styles in a heel and sheer top bodysuit tits out for the boys combo. He was wearing one pearl earring and I don’t know if you can see it in the photo but the crotch on these pants was at least 2′ long. Plus he reunited with Kendall and I’ve never seen her more turned on. I can’t imagine what it was like maneuvering around to fuck in the bathroom in those outfits.

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The Met Gala with a dramatic theme is Lady Gaga’s Sistine Chapel moment. I expected more than a pink dress and some umbrellas but this look was giving me Poker Face Gaga so my hopes are high for the next iteration of Gaga we’re going to get. As soon as Gaga gives up on Bradley Cooper we’re in for it.

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Lena Dunham cannot miss an opportunity to do something fucking weird so I have no explanation for this one. It’s probably a statement on child trafficking and I’m not supposed to make fun of it but come on. Even on theme I want to leave the house feeling my best for the Met Gala, this can’t be it.

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This guy rolled in with an escort so I know I should know who it is but I don’t. I think at some point everyone just thinks if you add enough sequins it’s high fashion.

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Lupita girl the eyebrows? I don’t care if the theme is literally thin weird eyebrows I’m not going.

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The whole point is actually to get your photo taken. I know we’re trying to be deep but it’s just so uninspiring. Be weirder.

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Cardi B wearing a dress with a 20′ radius looking like a gym class parachute and all I can focus on is her vagina. The way Cardi supports reproductive health and education is so powerful.

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Jared Leto brought his head as a purse and I think this is when the weed started to really kick in for me.

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I mean trying to figure this one out made me a little nauseous. This is a judgement free zone but what the fuck? I have vertigo.

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If that last one made me queasy trying to figure out the logistics and special effects, this one was just a mindfuck. I kept putting my hand up to the screen to see if there were flaws on either side and nope, pulled off 2 solid looks at once. The Met Gala is for legends only.

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Seeing Odell in anything other than a football uniform is weird. For how weird he really is I’m kind of bummed Odell went the boring route. He just put on a skirt and statement necklace called it a day. That plus the peace sign post was my routine from 2006-2011, hardly worthy of the Met Gala.

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Katy Perry’s first outfit was very Beauty and the Beast. Just a full antique chandelier on her head and hips. I don’t know what type of physical shape you have to be in to balance these but I don’t have the back for it.

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It’s understandable she would change outfits but come on Katy? This was just cruel. I was high as fuck when this picture popped up on Twitter and now all I can think about is Five Guys. Fuck you.

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