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The Fun Police Are Enforcing Stricter Tailgate Policies to Make it “Safer” at Bills Games

aidanepowers

“In an effort to get fans to stop acting like complete idiots, the Buffalo Bills announced plans to revamp their tailgate policy so that fans can have a safer game day experience at New Era Field.

The team recently updated its Bus and Limo Parking Lot policy, charging patrons $300 for a 20-person vehicle. A 40-person vehicle will run $500, and $900 is the going rate for 60 people to park in the new area called ‘Tailgate Village.’” (Sports Illustrated)

I’m sorry I thought this was America, not communist Russia. We mine as well be making these fine Bills fans tailgate at a federal penitentiary. 

I get that it’s 2019 and everyone is a snowflake loser who gets their feelings hurt by everything. Why have fun when you can find something to complain about? But, Bills Mafia tailgates are where I draw the line. Tailgates in upstate New York on Sunday’s are one of the last remaining safe spaces in the United States. You are free from judgement and free to booze with your friends until the Bills are down 17-0 in the first quarter. It is a phenomenal escape from the painful reality where squirting condiments on yourself is frowned upon. 

To see this once great tailgate spot restricted really hurts my heart. Especially because as an Eagles fan, I will be there in October. If I want to jump through a table and compound fracture my leg, that’s my God given right. 

You know who this puts some serious pressure on? The Bills, to actually be good at football. For years, if you attended a game in Orchard Park, New York you could say, “at least the tailgate was fun”! Lord knows you weren’t there to see good football. If the Fun Police are going to ruin the tailgate, would it kill the Bills to go 10-6 for once?

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