We’re getting closer to the premiere date of the new season of The Hills on MTV called The Hills: New Beginnings. It feels very Saved By The Bell College Years and honestly without Lauren Conrad I don’t have high hopes. LC is the only one in reality TV still sacred to me. It’s obvious she was never doing this shit, she’s way too big and way too rich to be desperate enough to do this show.
After Lauren the most important person on this show is Brody Jenner, and he wasn’t even at the red carpet announcement which means he’ll probably have one appearance every other episode.
Heidi and Spencer and their actually cute baby will be back and definitely will be the ‘Situation’ in the comeback of their reality show. I’ve seen some of Spencer’s videos with a hummingbird feeder and they still play on TV. They got a little more self aware and gave a little less fucks and will definitely be the comedic relief of this show. Who would have thought that of all the things that came out of this show, Heidi and Spencer would be the one still remaining. I was betting on Audrina and Ryan Cabrera.
I always like Jason for Lauren, probably because he was a huge alcoholic douchebag but he was fucking hot and that was exactly my type when I was originally watching The Hills at 19 years old. I’m not sure if he’s officially clean yet but he’s making a comeback under the supervision of his new wife. Lo is the only other OG not making an appearance because obviously she is a ride or die type of bitch, she always way. She probably got the warning from Lauren not to do a show with her ex boyfriend, it’s a PR nightmare waiting to happen.
Of course the question everyone was wondering, a recently single Audrina Patridge will return and will reunite with the homeboy that wore combat boots to the beach, Justin motherfucking Bobby. Justin Bobby is 36 years old now, and I bet he’s just as much as a fuckboy as 2007. Tigers don’t change stripes. He’s here to ruin Audrina’s life. She just broke up with Ryan Cabrera, yes in 2018, and also has a daughter.
They’ve also added a few newcomers, most notably Mischa Barton. She was never known as a real personality so I’m not sure I understand where she exactly fits into the equation but we’re all just hoping she brings us a vintage Marissa Cooper level performance. We need blackouts and Tijuana.
Another addition to the cast is Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee’s 22 year old son Brandon. This could be a real career defining moment for him. I assume someone who’s parents have a widely known sex tape is automatically penciled in for a little crazy but hopefully we’ll get to the bottom of if having a huge dick is genetic. Come on, I’m sure it’ll come up, this is MTV.
The show is set to come back sometime in June, and we’ll prove once and for all if a group of 30 year olds can carry a reality TV show.